Part 1: Traditions Change
Dear Diary, in our family, the Fall Festival is a huge deal, and something the boys look forward to each year. In the past, our tradition was to play a game of softball in the afternoon with Karen’s family, then have chili and cornbread at home for our evening meal. Afterwards, we’d head out for some fun at the festival. The boys would join the pie-eating contest, bob for apples, and pick pumpkins to carve at home later. When night fell, we would explore the haunted house together, the boys laughing and trying to scare each other the entire time.
This year, we modified the tradition. It all began when the boys explained to Kara what the Fall Festival was, and why it’s so much fun. In her excitement, she asked if she could go with us, too. Her request thrilled me to no end, but Perry was more cautious because Kara’s last attempt at an outing left her running back into the youth center in a panic.
To my relief, Dr. Fellowes encouraged Kara to take part in our family excursion, saying it would be good for her. Since we’d taken the PTSD class, it concerned me that something might trigger her. I wasn’t sure how to deal with a panic attack. Dr. Fellowes said we should try, and she gave me some tips on what to do if Kara’s anxiety increased.
Our modifications for this year’s festival didn’t please the boys too much, but they were willing to cooperate so Kara could come with us. We went to the festival early in the day because Kara still struggled with nighttime fears. We didn’t want her to be there in the dark or when huge crowds would be there. Early in the day, the festival grounds were nearly empty. Perry could bring the boys back after dark to go through the haunted house.
Kara was excited when we picked her up. The boys were with Mom and would arrive at the grounds separately.
Perry parked the car at the front entrance of the youth center, then we went inside together to collect her. Everything about her spoke to her nervousness, her strained smile, the way she fidgeted with the hem of her sweater, her rapid blinking. Still, she managed to get in the car, and then get out when we got there.
Outside the building, she needed a few minutes to summon more courage while we praised her efforts.
“You can do this. You’ve come so far already,” I said.
Kara took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, her shoulders shaking a little.
“There’s no rush to go inside,” Perry said, his voice gentle, and kind. “There’s a bench over there if you’d like to sit down.”
There are many times I can recall being proud of my children. This was one of them. After a moment of contemplation, Kara shook her head.
“No, I think I just need to do this.”
And so, we went inside.
Part 2: The Overachiever
Mom and the boys were inside waiting for us, the boys barely able to contain their excitement, hopping from one foot to the other, and nudging each other in the arm. Kara smiled when she saw them, and they began speaking immediately.
“This is going to be so much fun!” Joey squealed. “Wait till you see everything we can do!”
“I’m going to show you everything, Kara,” Andy, the calmer of the boys said. “What do you want to do first?”
“Andy, Joey, give your sister a minute to breathe,” Mom scolded, although her tone wasn’t as harsh as it used to be. “You boys will give your sister a heart attack.”
Kara giggled a little and shared a knowing look with the boys which surprised me. Already, they seemed to be on the same sibling-page.
“Well, really,” Mom said, her voice indignant because she saw the kids’ silent exchange.
“Pie-eating contest first?” Joey asked his older brother.
Andy, who thought he was wise beyond his years, rolled his eyes. “No, stupid. She’s a girl. She’ll get all messy and won’t want to do anything after that.”
“Oh,” Joey said. “Girls are weird.”
Andy rolled his big, brown eyes again. “They’re just different. You’ve got a lot to learn.”
“I’m only a year younger than you.”
Andy was about to say something else, but Perry put a hand on each of their shoulders. “You guys take a look around and let us know what you think.”
Kara fidgeted with her sleeves as the boys took off.
“You okay?” Perry asked her.
She nodded, then slowly lifted her head to gaze around.
I noticed Karen, Zack, and Teagan arrived, and that Teagan had joined the boys in their quest.
Kara nodded at the tub of water and apples.
“What is that for?”
“It’s a game called bobbing for apples,” I said. “You hold your hands behind your back, stick your face in the water, and try to grab apples with your teeth. When the timer goes off, the person with the most apples wins.”
“It’s harder than it looks, but it’s a lot of fun,” Perry said. “It looks like the other kids are going to play, would you like to try?”
As Kara watched Andy, Joey, and Teagan line up at the sides of the tub, it seemed like there was a war raging inside her. If I was reading her expression right, part of her wanted to join in the fun and experience the game. She bit her lower lip and moved forward, but in the end, it was to watch the other kids play.
“I think I’ll just watch,” she finally said.
As the game began, we stood on the sides watching and cheering our children on. I kept sneaking peeks at Kara. She smiled a lot when the kids came up for air, sputtering, then diving back in. It was the first true, full smile I’d seen her make, as if she forgot where she was and let go of her fears for a precious moment. All I could wish was that there would be many more moments like this for her in the future.
In typical overachiever fashion, our elder son Andy got the first apple. He spat it aside and dove right back in, barely catching a breath.
Joey and Teagan also got some apples, but there was no way they could catch up to Andy.
When Andy won the game, Joey hit him in the shoulder, saying, “Good job.”
Teagan, on the other hand, stomped down from the step stool she was standing on, and said, “I’ll beat you next time, Andrew Wright!”
Seconds later, the three of them were running off to the next activity. Kara watched them go, her face downcast, her eyes teary. Just as I was going to say something to her, she bolted out the nearest door.
Part 3: One of the Kids
I found her in the pumpkin patch, crying. When I tried to put my hands on her shoulders, she resisted, squirming away from me.
“Kara Darling, what’s the matter?” From the corner of my eye, I could see Mom and Perry standing in the doorway. I’m glad they had sense enough to hang back.
“Everything! Everything is wrong!”
As my heart broke, I tried to pull her into my arms. It was like hugging a board, her body stiff, her hands clenched into fists.
“Please, Darling, tell me what the matter is.”
Her sobs wracked her entire body, her small frame heaving against me. I was afraid if I let go, she might collapse.
“I’m different! I’m so different! I don’t belong!”
Tears ran down my cheeks, dripping off my chin, as she spoke. “Yes, you’re different, my darling. You are. Everyone is different in a way. And, I know it feels awkward, and upsetting, but you do belong. And, you are special.”
“I just want to be one of the kids, but I’m not! I don’t want to be the way I am!”
I grasped her tighter, wishing I’d never lost her in the first place, praying I’d find her now, the real Kara. The one underneath all of this pain and anxiety.
“You listen to me, Babydoll. You’ve experienced some awful things I wish hadn’t happened. I’d give anything for your past to have been different. But we have to deal and cope with what is, not with what we wish. Understand?” She nodded a little through her sobs, and I held onto her like my life depended on it. “If there is one thing I know, it’s that you do belong in our family. There has always been a space there waiting for you. Do you hear me? You belong! And, Kara, we all love you so much!”
“Mama,” she squeaked.
All at once, her little hands still clenched, she buried her face in my shoulder and held me back. We stood like that for several minutes, both of us crying. And, me, cherishing the moment my little girl was finally in my arms where I’d wanted her all along.
When we parted, she sank to the ground, her energy spent. I knelt in front of her.
“I love you, and will do everything in my power to make sure you feel like one of the family. Okay?”
She nodded a little as she dried her eyes on her sleeve.
“There’s something else,” I told her. “You can call me mama or mom anytime you want. It’s music to my ears.”
I took Kara’s hands and helped her to her feet as Perry joined us.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“I think so,” I said, smiling at Kara.
“I want to go home.”
Hearing those words, my heart sank. Our day would be cut short, but at least she’d made it this long, which was more than she’d ever done before.
Perry went back inside to tell Mom and everyone we were going back to the youth center. As we were walking to the car, Kara stopped to pick a flower.
Part 4: And That’s Final
“Even with the meltdown at the end, I think she made great strides today,” Dr. Fellowes said.
“I agree,” Perry said.
“But she asked to go home. It was so disappointing since we weren’t there very long. I thought we could get a family picture, too. I thought… I thought she might enjoy being with us so much, she’d even come to our softball game this afternoon.”
Perry gave me an odd look, as if something confused him. “She said she wanted to go home.”
“Yeah, I was standing right there.” My voice couldn’t have been more glum.
“Home,” he emphasized.
“Wait a minute,” Dr. Fellowes said, “if you’re thinking about taking her home with you, it’s much too soon.”
My eyes grew huge as I realized how dumb I’d been. “But, she asked to go home. It’s what she wants.”
“Why is it too soon?” Perry asked. “She’s been here a long time, and you’ve done wonders with her, it’s true. Still, if she wants to come home with us, she should. She’s getting to the point she trusts us, so I think we should act on this.”
Dr. Fellowes opened her mouth and all I could picture was all the things she would say to deter us. Perry was right, Kara wanted to come home. And we should let her.
“I’ve done everything your way, Dr. Fellowes. Perry is right that you and the people here at the center have done a lot of good work with her. It’s time, though. I’m not asking you to let her come home. I’m telling you it’s happening, and that’s final.”
Perry took Kara’s bags to the car and pulled up alongside the curb of the youth center. It wouldn’t be the last we’d see of this place. Kara would come back here for counseling twice a week. Her school tutor would meet her at our house instead of the center.
Kara looked back at the building that had been her home for so long.
“We’re so happy you’re coming home, but are you sure about this?” I asked her, hoping her answer would be a firm yes.
She continued to stare at the building, then rested her eyes on mine. “I’m sure.”
“Wonderful.” My smile could not have been any wider, my heart could not have floated any higher.
Notes:
I’d like to thank Bee for the pose set I used: Troubled Teen. Thank you, Bee! You know how I love your poses!
Stay tuned for a post on Wednesday! This is something special I’ve been working on. Here is a clue… It’s a series called, “If I Had Lived.” I can’t wait until you see!
As usual, I thank you all for reading, liking, commenting, and lurking,
Dr. Fellowes is trying to do everything by the book, but sometimes one needs to look outside of the box. If Kara wants to e normal, she is going to need normalcy in her life. Can’t get that at the center, amirite?
You are soooo right! It’s time to turn this around and have her come home. 🙂 Dr. Fellowes is doing the best she can with an unusual situation. But, the family needs Kara, and she needs them, too.
I love the little look between Kara, Andy, and Joey. 😆
And wow, Kara finally coming home! Bea has wanted this for so long that she tries to rush things. But seeing that Perry thinks she’s ready too makes me think it must be true. I will love seeing Kara settle in to her new life.
Welcome back home Kara !
Thank you ❤❤
What a great turning point for the family! Kara made it out for a little bit into the real world and I think that helped. Even with the breakdown at the end, there was still some good that came out of it. Her mother was right there for her and hopefully Kara. Will find her place.
Yay! She gets to come home. I can see both sides of it where the doctor thinks it’s too soon, but I think Bea has had enough of that. Plus, Kara said she wanted to go home, and that’s a huge step. There will be some challenges, I’m sure, but I think this is a big turning point.
Thank you 🙂 This really was a turning point for the entire family. I think Kara is on her way to finding her place.
I agree that it’s understandable for the doctor to believe it’s too soon for Kara to come home. But it’s also understandable that Bea isn’t having it. lol
Ooh yay!!!! Kara’s finally coming home 🙂 I loved how Bea reassured her that even though she is different, she’s loved and will always belong in their family. Bea and Perry are just such good parents!
YAY! 😀 Bea and Perry are trying, I know that. I can’t imagine all the fears Kara might have right now, but at least Bea is trying to understand and trying to make her feel better.
yay! I wanted to shout she said home, c’mon! And I wasn’t disappointed at the end. And I like that Cara’s mom was firm at the end with the doctor too.
Thank you, Jina 🙂 You know what’s funny, is that I thought of you when I wrote Kara saying that. I’m tickled pink you caught it right away.
I thought it was about time Bea was firmer with Dr. Fellowes.
Oh yeah? I’m touched you thought of me. And yeah, it was time. Can’t wait to see how Cara will, or not, cope with the change of environment.
Yes! 😀 I can’t wait to show you what’s happened.
Aww it was heartwarming when the kids were enjoying the game that she gave her first ‘true, full smile’. I do hope there’s more of those in the future, too, but not followed by the sadness and feelings of being so different. Then again, all of these moments are necessary in helping her process what happened, and that vulnerability will bring her and her mum closer together. I love that Bea & Perry put their foot down with Dr Fellowes so Kara could come home, especially as that’s what Kara wants too. Different types of homes, but home now with those who truly love her and will look out for her best interests no matter what. Xxxx
Thank you, Caz 🙂 I’m glad you found this heartwarming. I think Kara must have forgotten herself for a few minutes and really enjoyed those few moments. Let’s hope in the future, there is much less sadness and more of those moments. I think you’re right, though, that it’s all necessary in helping her process her life.
Yes! I agree that it was the appropriate time for Bea and Perry to join ranks and insist Dr. Fellowes let them do this.
xo
Yipeeeee .. finally!
Thank you, Lisa 🙂 IKR? 😀 😀
I was happy dancing
YAY! I was, too! 😀 😀
I’m so proud of Kara! And I love how Perry jumped on her wanting to go home. I’m surprised Bea didn’t take his clothes off then and there lmao.
I hope she’ll do alright. I know there’ll be struggles but she does have a really great family around her.
Thank you so much 🙂 I think Kara is really moving forward, and Perry caught on and ran with it. haha Yeah! Why didn’t Bea do that? LOLOL
I hope she’ll do all right, too. You’re right that the family is great. I think with them, she’ll be successful.
Wise girl. I was thinking of it like when I first started skiing, to overcome my fear, I had to just go for it and little by little I got good enough for the black diamond runs. Putting off her going home would be the worse thing they could do, it is not a place of horror but a safe retreat. The sooner she integrates into the family routine, the easier it will be for her to feel like she belongs. Right now, she feels out of place and not the cog in the wheel she wants to be.
Thank you, Jolie 🙂 I love hearing the personal stories you bring to your comments. I’m glad the story I write is relatable that way. I think you’re right that sometimes, you just have to rip that bandaid off and live with the moment of pain. lol
And, you’re right. Going home is a good thing; it’s a safe place for her to land, not some horror chamber. The sooner she takes that step, the sooner she’ll feel like she belongs.
Awww, such great progress. Hopefully home becomes her.
Thank you so much 🙂 I’m so geeked she’s coming home. I can’t wait for you to see. lol
I can’t either!
Woot woot! 😀
I was so proud of Kara when she said she needed to do this and went inside.
“I’ll beat you next time, Andrew Wright!”
LOL, I totally heard her saying this!
Yaaaaaaaaay Kara’s going home home!
Thank you, Jess 🙂 I was proud of Kara, too. Sometimes, all you can do is rip the bandaid off. lol
I could hear Teagan saying that, too! She’s kind of a little stinker in game. haha But I love her.
Yes! To home she goes! 😀
Yay she’s coming home! 😁 I’m glad she was able to let go and allow herself to trust her mother with her own feelings. I know things will get so much better for her from here on out. Great chapter as always! ❤️
Thank you, Stormy 🙂 Yes! She’s coming home! I’m really excited about it. I think it’s good that she allowed herself to confide in her mother, too. I believe you’re right that things will get better for Kara now.
Aaaw, it’s so lovely that Kara is coming home. 🙂 She’s a really strong girl. My heart really broke for her when she cried about not fitting in. It’s a good thing she has a loving family who take care of her.
Ohhh, I’m so excited about the new thing you’ve been working on. Can’t wait to find out what is is!
This was lovely as always, Kym. 🙂
Thank you, Louise 🙂 You’re right, she’s a pretty strong girl. I’m excited about her coming home.
Awww… I wondered how you all would feel about that part. Hopefully, she’ll soon realize she does have a place with her family.
YAY! I’m so glad you’re excited about my new little project. 😀 I can’t wait for you to see!
I love this chapter so much! Her words about feeling different touched me. I think that even if she hadn’t experienced the kidnapping and trauma, she would still be different. It will be fascinating for her to peel back and heal the trauma to discover the gifts of her intrinsic
divergence.
Thank you, CT 🙂 I’m so glad you love this chapter. That means a lot to me. That’s an interesting thought that she would still be different even if those things hadn’t happened. Perhaps you’re right about that. I am really looking forward to seeing her heal.
What a heartwarming chapter! <3 Kara is certainly getting there, I loved the moment when she called Bea mama!
But I have a feeling things will not go as smoothly as Bea and Perry wish… apparently there's still a lot of work to be done at home and I don't know how well everyone will manage..!
Still, it was great to see Kara warming up to the family and new activities more! 😀 <3
Thank you so much ❤️ I’m glad this chapter warmed your heart. I was hoping the “mama” moment would ring true and be meaningful.
I think you’re right that the family dynamic is going to go through some upheaval once Kara is there. Some of it may be good, and some of it might be bad. Let’s hope Bea and Perry know what to do.
As happy as I want to be, I fear you are setting us up for a disaster to come. And I actually don’t know because you haven’t told me anything yet. It’s just a feeling. I think there has been a misunderstanding here between Kara and her parents. I’m not sure Bea can handle any more heartache after getting her hopes up so high there at the end.
Excellent chapter and thank you so much for using my pose set!
Thank you, Bee, for making the poses in the first place. ❤️
Oh, my, disaster you say? You may be right. It may not be what you think, or maybe you have it all figured out. I don’t know. That doesn’t really help, though, does it? lol
Either way, I think you’re right that Bea might not be able to handle any further heartache after everything I’ve already put her through. lol
Oh, also yes! Those poses, Bee! So brilliant. I loved the way they expressed what was going on with Kara. The poses contribute so much to this chapter.
I couldn’t agree with you more, CT! Bee really does a wonderful job.
Thank you Cathytea!
What a moving and touching chapter. I was a little teary-eyed reading where they were hugging and she called her mama! I hope it wasn’t too soon, but Kara seemed to want to leave. I’m glad Perry is on the same page as Bea. That’s really good. Moving forward. Those boys are so dang cute and I know Kara is going to be stunning. ❤️
Thank you, Audrey. 🙂 I’m glad you thought this chapter was moving and touching. And, it brought out the teary eyes! Awwww ❤️
I think things at home are going to change some with Kara moving in. So, we’ll see how that goes.
I’m so glad you like the boys. haha I can picture them so clearly in my head.
I’m so proud of Kara! Bea must be so happy now that she’s finally decided to come *home*. Such a precious moment for the family! ♥
Also, woot, woot, a post on Wednesday! I was planning to post a Shari bonus on that day. But… is it about a different life Kara would have had had she not been kidnapped by Jem? I can’t wait to find out!
Thank you, Jowita. 🙂 Bea is ecstatic! lol Practically giddy about it all. Perry is much more cautious with his approach. lol
Yes! Wednesday is going to be fun. And, I can tell you, it’s not about anyone in this generation. 😀 You’ll probably get it now.
Ooh, Jilly? I was thinking about her, too, but dubbed it too good to be true 😮
LOLOL 😀 Maaaaaaybe! 😀
I’m glad you would be excited to see her again if you are right. 😀
I love the message of this story. What a clever reveal at the end, about ‘home’. I didn’t notice either, at first.
Thank you so much, Jacqui. 🙂 I’m glad you love the message of the story. In each generation, I think what has gotten the characters through was the strong family connection. I’m looking forward to seeing how the family dynamic changes with Kara there permanently.