Chapter 5.21: Dear Diary, Do it for Them

Content Warning: Coarse language

Dear Diary, if I press my eyes closed as tight as I can, I see the old me on stage, only a silhouette but I recognize myself. I examine the lines of my lean, muscular frame and the way it holds itself straight in the spotlight. I remain there, poised, then leap with the strength yet the grace of a gazelle. My arabesque is delicate with my leg raised behind my body, extended in a perfect, straight line. I am confident and ferocious, a force to be reckoned with. I am in my element –

” – Concentrate, Holden,” Laz Darrow, my physical therapist said.

It took me a moment to realize I’d been daydreaming again. Sometimes I hated him for the interruptions. Can you hate someone and be grateful for them at the same time? In daydreams, everything was right, the way it all used to be. My body performed as I commanded, my physique was still powerful and I was on top of the world in my profession. Yes, I could live there for hours, my eyes staring at nothing, my body limp in the wheelchair.

But then, people started to notice my mind wasn’t present and it worried them. I could hear Ellie and Rosetta speaking in hushed tones in the baby’s room. They acted as if they thought I wouldn’t know they were talking about me. When they spoke to my face, they tiptoed on eggshells because they didn’t want to release my fury. In the back of my mind, were persistent thoughts about Ellie taking the baby and leaving me. I was certain she couldn’t bear to look at me anymore.

It would have been better if she had. What good am I, anyway? She works long hours for Rosetta. Is that because she is that busy, or is it because she’s beginning to hate me and what I’ve become? She’s always making attempts to talk to me about our situation but I can’t bear it, so, I shut her down, refusing to go there.

I know it’s because I’m afraid. Even though my face is a mask of indifference and at some moments anger, I’m terrified. Dr. Kline and Laz both agree that the first two years after my brain injury may determine how the future will look. At first, I had assumptions that because I’d been so healthy I would be walking again in a matter of weeks. Before long, I would build my strength enough to return to dance. However, after a few months of intense inpatient rehab, it became quite clear that I’d be lucky to take a few steps on my own –

” – You’re not paying attention to what we’re doing.”

I tried to hold back a groan as he helped me turn on the table for the next position.

“I don’t need to concentrate when we do the same things twice a week.”

Laz was silent for a few minutes as he helped his clumsy patient hold out a leg and an arm. This one was newer than the others and it only reminded me of how weak and inept I was.

“You’re better at this one since last time.”

“Oh, fucking joy.”

As if on cue, I almost fell on my face, but he caught me before it actually happened. This was a common occurrence but I still wasn’t used to it. Embarrassment, frustration, and annoyance hit me like a brick in the face every time. In defiance, I shoved his hand away.

“Easy,” he murmured without expression, choosing to ignore my behavior.

By the time Laz assisted me back down and into a resting position, all my limbs were shaking from the effort.

“Rest for a few.”

What else was I going to do?

As I glanced around the room, my gaze fell on the treadmill. My eyes burned and I blinked several times, fighting back tears. Would the aching and longing that plagued my heart ever give me peace?

“Do you know that each and every day, I ran six miles and did pilates? I stayed away from refined sugars, greasy foods, and did everything right.”

Laz nodded and pulled up a stool to listen even though he’d heard this a million and one times.

“You would think I’d have a faster recovery and already be doing those things again.”

Laz paused, measuring his words. “It actually has helped your progress that you were in such good condition. The problem is the brain injury, though. Believe it or not, I do see improvement with you. It most likely doesn’t feel that way because it seems slow, but don’t give up.”

I peered into his eyes, searching for any sign he might be placating me instead of telling me the truth. As long as I’d known him and looked at him this way, I’d never found any hints of deception. That means there is still hope, I reminded myself.

As we continued our session, I asked, “Would you still be working with me if I was a lost cause?”

He laughed a little under his breath. “See, that’s the problem, Holden. No one is a lost cause. The sooner you accept and deal with what’s happening to you, the better you’ll be. Are you still seeing that therapist of yours? I can’t remember his name.”

“Cason. And, yeah, I see him twice a week, too.”

In fact, I’d been seeing Cason off and on for years, ever since the rape. During our last meeting, he reminded me of the letter I wrote to myself way back then. He kept a copy of it at the time and three days ago, I had reread it at his request. In it, I’d mentioned that I wasn’t the suffering kind and that I didn’t like to be down. It was so long ago. Could I ever be that person again?

“Good. I hope it’s helping.”

I would have shrugged, but I was resting on my elbows.

“You know, I’ve never seen you wear anything else,” I mentioned as he helped me sit up on the edge of the table.

He laughed. “Yeah, all the therapists wear this. It’s my color, though, so it’s all good.”

I grimaced a little as he pulled my arm up so it was parallel with my torso. I’d not only noticed muscle loss but a tightness in them, too.

“Yeah, a little stiff,” he agreed as he rested his other hand on my opposite shoulder, “though looser than the other day.”

And what good was that? I wanted to scream at him. Instead, I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, wondering how long I would be doing this and seeing him?

Two years later, I was still doing the same tired exercises and Laz was still wearing the same tired outfit.

I would like to think my attitude has improved which must be a fact since Ellie hasn’t hit the nearest off-ramp. Over time, we learned to talk to each other again. It was my fear of losing her that finally forced me to open up to her. At times, I can’t contain my frustration and it still explodes out of me in things I wished I hadn’t said. How she can ignore those times and tolerate them the way she does? I don’t ask because if I draw her attention to it, she might realize she shouldn’t tolerate it at all. That could be the moment she takes our daughter and leaves me for good.

I’ve failed her and our marriage in so many ways, I would deserve it if she did.

The only thing that redeems me in any way is Beatrice, or “Bea,” as we call her. She is the sweetest little girl, so full of life as she explores her world and everything in it. The way she climbs onto my lap for a “ride” in the wheelchair or to cuddle is the most precious thing to me. I do not deserve her yet sometimes, she is the only reason I have to keep going at all.

“I’ll put her to bed,” Rosetta said.

I avoided looking at my sister because every time I did, it opened the door for another lecture. She didn’t get me at all or she wouldn’t continue her harping.

“Let her play, she’s being good.”

Rosetta sighed. “Fine but if she is a tired mess when Ellie gets home, I will not take the blame.”

“Good enough.”

I heard her sit with a “hmph” on the loveseat. Then, she cleared her throat and I knew it was beginning yet again.

“I want to converse with you.”

Instead of responding, I made a point of watching Bea play with her block table. She stacked three or four, one at a time, then poked them over with an innocent giggle. I felt the corners of my mouth turning and realized it was hard not to smile when I observed her.

“Holden.”

It was my turn to sigh. “About what?”

Although I couldn’t see her expression, the satisfaction was clear as a bell in her voice. “About us, our family – ”

” – Do you remember that game we used to play when we were kids?”

“Which one?” she asked.

“When we would try to read each other’s minds.”

“I wasn’t able to read your mind,” she said, “rather, I could feel impressions and knew what you were thinking as a result.”

“You always scared me to death,” I told her.

“It was not my intention. You have the same ability.”

Leaning forward, we engaged in a staredown. “What am I thinking now, Rosie?”

Even though my tone was not particularly kind, it didn’t deter her. I knew it wouldn’t because even though she might know what I was thinking, she was clueless about social cues.

“You want me to leave you alone. You want everyone to leave you alone. A rather childish notion, if you must know the truth.”

A harsh snort escaped my mouth. “What do you know about it?”

“I know that I have left you quite alone and have even indulged you. I have allowed you to wallow in your grief and self-pity without a word against you. And now, I have had enough. It is time that you joined us in the real world, Holden.”

“Leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone. You don’t know anything and you don’t have the right to talk to me like this.”

Unlike what other people might do, Rosetta continued as if I hadn’t said something nasty to her. She didn’t take my bait and get angry enough to storm out. She was smarter than that.

“You have a life that needs to be lived again.”

For a few minutes, we were quiet as Bea regarded me with her big, blue eyes. She didn’t like it when I raised my voice. Even so, there were times when I tried to curb my frustration, to hold the lid down on this anger boiling up through me. But the more I tried to control it, the less control I had.

“Everything’s okay, Chicken,” I cooed at her. I started calling her that when she was learning the different animals and their sounds. No matter what animal was brought up, she would make a chicken’s clucking noise.

“Okay, Bea,” I would say to her, pointing at the cow picture.
“What does the cow say?”
“Cluck, cluck!”
“It says moo.”
“Nooo, Daddy! Cluck, cluck!”

She knew all the sounds the animals made now yet she would sometimes still cluck because it made me laugh.

I smiled a little at her as she cooed back an unintelligible sentence. I may have heard the words “nice” and “be good boy,” though. Then she was playing with her blocks again.

“I’m doing the best I can.”

“You are not.” When I glared at her, she added, “You are so much better than this.”

Ever since we were kids, she never responded to my glares. I even practiced “the look” in the mirror until I was sure it would scare her right back the way she’d scared me so many times. It was all done in vain.

“This is what I am now.”

“What is your payoff? Attention? Pity?”

“What?” I gasped, unable to comprehend what I’d done to deserve such ire and judgment from her.

“There must be something you are getting from this to make you act this way.”

“I can’t believe you, Rosetta!”

Her eyes narrowed and her voice became so low, I sensed the anger rising in her as if I was feeling it myself. “No. I cannot believe you! Do you understand what you have here? A very nice family! You have a wife who would do anything for you and a sweet child. How could you act in such a fashion? It is time for you to live! Do it for them!”

Her words wormed their way into my heart and sat there like a rock, heavy and burdensome. She wasn’t completely wrong but I still wasn’t ready to let go either.

“You have no idea what it’s like to be unable to walk, let alone dance again. You don’t know what I’m going through. I can’t even watch my own daughter by myself without having a babysitter! I appreciate you, Jules, mom and dad, and Shelly, but I can’t stand that I need someone with us twenty-four seven! Would you want someone else babysitting your child when you’re sitting right there? I doubt it!”

“I would loathe that,” she conceded, her voice a bit quieter than before. “It will get easier as she gets older and can manage some things on her own.”

“Well, great.”

Rosetta had the common sense to let the situation die down before she continued yet again. “You will walk again.”

I couldn’t look at her as I whispered, “Did you see that?”

“Yes.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No, Holden, of course not.”

Squeezing my eyes closed, I realized the daydream of my silhouette on stage had faded over time. Like an old photograph. I would never dance again, that was clear to me and had been for some time even though I wouldn’t admit it out loud. But if I could walk again… well, that was something, wasn’t it?

“What would you have me do?”

“You could start with brushing your hair,” she suggested.

It was obvious she wasn’t joking but for the first time that day, I let out a laugh.

“I meant that.”

“Yeah, I know. I know. Speaking of hair, though, since you became Vice-Leader, I thought you would grow your hair out again?”

She shrugged. “My hair is now a reminder to me that Vice-Leader is not good enough. I have already begun my campaign for the next election.”

As I looked away from Rosetta, I saw Chicken shoving her fingers in her mouth.

“Are those yummy, Chicken?”

“Children are walking Petrie dishes. I love her but it is so repugnant at times.”

“She’s building up her immunity.”

“If you say so,” Rosetta said, shaking her head.

“Hey, why isn’t Bea in bed yet?” Ellie asked as soon as she came in.

Her left brow rose as I smiled at her. “We were enjoying spending time with her. She’s been so good.”

Ellie came forward and kissed the top of my head. She was about to pull away when I reached up to draw her face near mine. “I love you,” I told her.

She seemed surprised but pleased as the corners of her eyes crinkled with her smile. “I love you, too. Always.”

Author’s Note: I want to thank Bee (Poses by Bee, Stories by Bee) for making the physical therapy poses for me. Guess what? She has them on her site for download! Isn’t that awesome? You can find them HERE.

I wanted to mention that while this chapter skips two years ahead in Holden’s life, there is a “missing chapter” that will be posted as a Bonus Post in order to wrap up the loose ends of the shooting. 🙂 This will be another Rosetta point of view. 

As always, thank you for reading, liking, lurking, and commenting,

2018-09-29T22:39:31+00:00

48 Comments

  1. Jowita September 22, 2018 at 10:19 am - Reply

    I knew I would see Bee’s awesome poses in your chapter, when I saw them in my Reader today in the morning. She is so kind, making all of these for you, they really add up to the story.
    Holden is in a very bad place with his mind right now. I can understand, but Rosetta is right. He can’t go on living like this forever. He isn’t being a burden because he isn’t in a perfect condition, he’s being a burden just by continuously thinking he is! These thoughts are very destructive and it’s clear that Ellie loves him very much still and she’s not going anywhere. Neither is Rosetta. She can be a pain at times, that’s true, but no doubt she genuinely cares about her brother. I can’t wait to read more of her thoughts in the bonus. I wonder what evolved of her love affair, or if anything evolved at all. She looks so serious without her long hair. Have you stopped using nosemasks, too, Kym? Is that part of you limiting your CC?
    Bea is such a cutie and she seems to be the third generation with Matt’s golden hair. I hope that she’ll continue to give Holden strength.

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 12:09 pm - Reply

      Hi, Jowita! Thank you for the comment. 🙂 You’re so right about Bee’s poses. They are so good!

      I think you’re right about Holden’s state of mind and what he needs to get through this. Ellie does love him or she wouldn’t be there right now. Rosetta can definitely be a pain, as you said, but she loves him and she is right in this case. I’m really excited about the bonus. 😀

      I think she looks really serious with that hairstyle, too. I didn’t change anyone’s noses and still use nosemasks. Burnt Waffles are my faves.

      Yes! Bea is gen 3 with Matt’s hair! I was excited about that. She has Ellie’s nose and Holden’s eyes, I think. I hope she’ll continue to give Holden strength, too.

  2. bmitjessesue September 22, 2018 at 10:42 am - Reply

    The pics were amazing! Thank you for taking them the way you did to show many angles! I loved that.

    It’s no wonder Holden has sunk as low as he has, being the perfectionist he has grown up to be. But living in the past is not going to help him form a healthy future. Rosetta is completely right! Time to snap out of it Holden. I loved hearing from her and she was the right one to tell him off as well. Hopefully he listens! My Ellie deserves better from him. I can’t imagine how that would feel to her, after such a happy union to one of walking around on egg shells. I’ve done that in relationships in my life, (not my hubby) and I know how difficult that was. However I do see it from his point of view as well. Uggg, so difficult this is for them all! Perhaps Bea will be the saving grace here in the end!

    Whoever did this to our dear Holden, had better watch out! Two years have gone by from the teeth pulling, yet nothing was said here……hmmmmmmmmmm. Making us wait in agony!

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 12:13 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Bee! I love those poses so much! I plan to use more of them in the next chapter. 😀

      You’ve got that right about Holden being a perfectionist. I’m glad you thought Rosetta was right. I did, too. I agree that Rosetta was the right one to confront him and that Ellie deserves better. I think Bea will be the driving force of Holden trying harder from now on.

      You’re right, nothing was said here about who shot Holden. But this Wed., there will be a bonus post regarding a “missing chapter!”

  3. Jes2G September 22, 2018 at 11:06 am - Reply

    Ha ha! My chiropractor used to make me do those bird dogs! They’re really hard at first. Especially when you raise an arm and a leg on the same side! He needs those.

    Chicken! My coworker calls people chicken lol. “She’s just a little chicken,” she says, holding her hands together like the person is sitting in them LOL.

    I appreciate what Rosetta is doing. Someone has to do it, but unfortunately it can’t be her seeing as how she has nagged him his entire life. BUT, it looks like this last one has done the trick. Fingers crossed.

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 12:17 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Jess! 😀 Those bird dogs are really hard, you’re right! You’re also right that he needs those.

      Your coworker calls people “Chicken?” LOL That’s so funny and cute! I often call my friends “Chickie.” LOL

      Rosetta has nagged him his entire life, hasn’t she? LOL I think when she told him she saw he would walk again is what pushed him forward a little. My fingers are crossed, too. 🙂

      • Jes2G September 22, 2018 at 1:29 pm - Reply

        She has 1000 cutesy names for everyone. Asia in KUWTJ ends up saying many of them like “little chicken nuggets” LOL.

        • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 1:34 pm - Reply

          LOL! That’s so funny! I always tell people I know that what they say can and will be used in my stories. 😛

          • Jes2G September 22, 2018 at 1:35 pm

            There you have it, folks! Be careful around your writer friends! 😛

          • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 1:37 pm

            Hahaha! You know it! 😀

  4. mmdrgntobldrgn September 22, 2018 at 11:12 am - Reply

    Nice, it will be interesting to see if Holden can make the transition with grace. It really is about mental state, acceptance, mourning what was & letting go, in order to build anew.

    However I couldn’t see him leave the world of dance without something major that prevented him from dancing. I can see him, in time teaching, but maybe that’s just me. Looking forward to next weekend.

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 12:18 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Mama Dragon. 🙂 I think that will be interesting, too, and agree that it’s about mental state, acceptance, and mourning.

      Perhaps teaching dance is in his future! We will see how that goes. 😀

  5. audreyfld September 22, 2018 at 11:31 am - Reply

    Well, well, Rosetta had the come to Jesus talk with him. I think though her telling him he would walk again gave him the incentive to try again. I’m glad. Loved the pictures. And Bea is adorable!

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 12:20 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Audrey 🙂 Yes, Rosetta done did it! lol I agree with what you said about her telling Holden he would walk again. I do think that is the incentive for him now.

      Thank you! I can’t wait to see Bea grown. 😀

  6. cathytea September 22, 2018 at 12:49 pm - Reply

    I really love and appreciate the issues you explore . What happens to one’s sense of self when they lose all they identified with? What is still there, behind the loss , witnessing the loss? Loss is such a gift, and one day, I know Holden will feel this.

    I love how much he looks like his great granddad !

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 3:08 pm - Reply

      Thank you, CT 🙂 I’m glad you like exploring these issues with me. I often find myself wondering how people deal with hard issues, so I guess, sometimes I tend to write about them. I like how you said loss is a gift and I think you’re right that Holden will find this out.

      I’m tickled that he looks like him, too!

  7. raymondsanti September 22, 2018 at 2:17 pm - Reply

    Goodness, I do feel for Holden because, as he said, his entire career was taken away from him. But that doesn’t mean he should wallow in pity for two years. I’m glad he still loves Ellie and is becoming more willig to talk about difficult things with her. Also Bea is the cutest little girl ever!

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 2:21 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much, Raymond. 🙂 You’re so right about how long he’s been wallowing and that he needs to pull it together. Ellie and Bea deserve that. I’m so glad you think Bea is cute. I can’t wait to see her grow up!

  8. Marjorie Flo Watts September 22, 2018 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    This was a good chapter, showing Holden in therapy with those great poses, and letting us see Bea as a toddler. I agree, Rosetta has, hopefully, given Holden some food for thought! If he does go into teaching dance, I hope he isn’t such a perfectionist that he alienates his students, one of which may turn out to be Bea! I was glad to see him express his love for Ellie, and hope they can grow closer, again. Although this wasn’t the chapter I was hoping for, (that will be Wednesday, it seems! ♥), I was glad to see his progress and that Rosetta is still an active member of his household! I can’t wait to see what Bea looks like as she grows up. If I were you, I would have “peeked ahead” to see her aged up! How did you resist?? (or did you??? hmm…) =D

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 3:46 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Marj ❤ I didn’t resist! LOL I resisted finding out ahead of time whether Bea was a boy or girl, but I just had to see what she looks like grown up! 😂 I can’t wait until you see, too.

      I know this wasn’t the chapter that was probably expected but I wanted to use Bee’s poses so badly and get some hair back on Holden’s head, I ended up doing this one. LOL

      I can’t wait for Wednesday!

  9. socallucyfan September 22, 2018 at 4:00 pm - Reply

    Holden’s state of mind worries me. I think he is dwelling too much in the past.
    Thank goodness he has Bea. And reading this chapter makes me wonder if she will inherit any of those psychic behaviors.
    And speaking of Bee, once again those poses are phenomenal. 🙂

    • Kymber September 22, 2018 at 4:24 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Stephanie. 🙂 I can see why Holden’s state of mind concerns you and agree that he is living in the past too much. I tried to portray how his daydreams had kind of taken the place of real life in a way. Right now, I think Bea has been a saving grace here. That’s a good question about whether Bea will have psychic abilities or not.

      I loved those poses, I’m glad you did, too! ❤

  10. NotJustaBook September 23, 2018 at 1:55 am - Reply

    Holden really is having a hard time. Poor guy. Rosetta may be a little harsh, but she’s not entirely wrong that he needs to focus on better. Even if he won’t dance ever again, nobody says he can’t change and get new dreams 🙂 Bea is so adorable! 😀 Love her cute little pigtales! I’m excited about the bonus chapter next week as well. This is really great, Kym <3

    • Kymber September 23, 2018 at 10:07 am - Reply

      Thank you, Louise. 🙂 Holden is having a hard time for sure. I think he needed to hear from Rosetta and that hearing her say he’ll walk again might give him new motivation. I like what you said about getting new dreams. That’s so true.

      When I saw that hair, I knew Bea had to have it! lol

  11. lisabeesims September 23, 2018 at 2:50 am - Reply

    AWW poor Holden I feel so bad for him but he does need to pull it together for all of their sakes but esp Bea

    • Kymber September 23, 2018 at 10:08 am - Reply

      Thank you, Lisa 🙂 I agree with you that he needs to try harder for his family. xo

  12. Violincat September 23, 2018 at 3:34 am - Reply

    I don’t think he’s being selfish. His whole life, Holden focused on his physical strength and being healthy. And now this happened. It only makes sense that he can’t come to terms with his new situation.

    • Kymber September 23, 2018 at 10:16 am - Reply

      Thank you so much. 🙂 You are so right in regard to Holden. The carpet has been pulled out from under him and I really think he doesn’t know what to do at this point except live in the past. Hopefully, he will begin to see things in a different light.

  13. magpie14031983 September 23, 2018 at 12:22 pm - Reply

    Wow. The feels really got to me here. Rosetta is probably the only one who could say those things to him and have him actually listen. It’s very hard to ignore the other half of yourself. Plus, she’s also got that “Yes I’m being a bitch but that doesn’t mean I’m not right” thing going on. I hope this is a turning point for Holden, but I think he still has a helluva way to go before he accepts his new reality. Maybe they should go for a visit to Blue. She would get him thinking right! Gramma to the rescue! Is that Gen even still alive???

    Bea is such a nunu 😁 she has all the best features from both parents and I can’t wait to see her all grown. I think she’s what actually gave Holden something to live for in those dark first days.

    Wednesday needs to get its ass here asap! I need me some vengeance!!! Especially since I have my own ideas about who the guilty party is.

    I don’t know whether I would have the strength that Holden has shown if I was in the same situation. I tend to wallow, and that can be deadly…

    • Kymber September 25, 2018 at 1:56 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much, Mags. 🙂 I believe you’re right about Rosetta being the only person who could say those things to Holden. You’re also right that he has a way to go, but this is a turning point for him. That’s a great idea about Blue! And, you know what? She and Matt aren’t in this save file, so they haven’t died. lol

      I’m glad you think Bea is cute. When I saw those pigtails, I knew she had to have them. She is definitely what kept Holden going.

      Oh, my goodness, tomorrow’s bonus post is CRAZY!!!! I hope you like it. 😀 I can’t wait to see if you’re right about who hired the shooter.

      Yes, you’re so right. I would hope I wouldn’t wallow, but you don’t really know, I suppose, unless you go through it.

  14. adwilson1991 September 23, 2018 at 4:04 pm - Reply

    While I have really never been a fan of Rosetta, I like that she made the attempt to pull him out of his funk and see that there is still a lot to live for. It’s a difficult road he’s on because in his mind dancing is akin to breathing. Dancing is how he defines himself and if he can’t dance, he really isn’t sure who he is. I’m rooting for him to see a light, any light that will shed positive rays in the darkness he has surrounded himself with. Bea is such a sweetie and deserves to have two parents fully present in her life!

    B’s poses are terrific and your partnership works rather well =)

    • Kymber September 25, 2018 at 2:03 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much, Addy 🙂 Yeah, Rosetta, for all her faults, does love him very much and she tried. I like how you compared dance to breathing because you couldn’t be more spot on! It’s all true – he doesn’t know who he is anymore. I’m glad you’re rooting for him because even without dance, I believe he can still find other interests and become passionate about something again.

      I think our partnership works well, too. 😀

  15. chalicen September 23, 2018 at 7:01 pm - Reply

    Bea! So cute! <3
    With a two year time skip, things seem to start getting normal again… but I can’t say for sure, and anyway, I don’t want to jinx it! Have they found who was behind the shooting yet? What’s going on in Rosetta’s end? I suspect we’ll find out in the next post, but I am on the edge of my seat!
    P.S. I love Rosetta’s new look. Fiery red is so her.

    • Kymber September 25, 2018 at 2:09 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much! 😀 I’m glad you think Bea is cute. The little pigtails really seem to fit her personality, too, which you will soon see more of.

      Rosetta’s end of the story regarding the shooter will be posted tomorrow morning. 😀 It’s called The Missing Chapter so I thought it’d be okay posting it out of order with the time jump. Anyway, it’s a doozy!

      I’m glad you like her look. I want her to look like someone you wouldn’t really want to mess with. haha

  16. Lila Remonn September 24, 2018 at 3:28 am - Reply

    Oh, Holden. It really breaks my heart that he is having these thoughts and how paralysing they are. However, I remember how Holden once said his body is a temple. He’s always worked incredibly hard to achieve his ‘perfect’ physique and dancing has literally been his life. It’s understandable why he’s been this way for two years. But Rosetta is right. Holden needs to get himself up and running for the sake of his loving family. I hope he can steadily begin to.
    Great chapter <3

    • Kymber September 25, 2018 at 2:13 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Lila. 🙂 It breaks my heart, too. You’re right that the thoughts he’s having are paralyzing. I like how you connected everything and said it so well regarding how Holden perceived his body and how hard he always worked. I think Rosetta is right, too. I think she did wake him up a bit and it also helped that she told him he’ll walk again.

  17. Simsophonique September 26, 2018 at 4:53 pm - Reply

    They say Time heals the Wounds but some Wounds can’t be healed with Time.

    • Kymber September 28, 2018 at 7:50 pm - Reply

      This is true. Hopefully, Holden will find something that he can be passionate about again.

  18. sempreviva September 28, 2018 at 11:33 am - Reply

    Poor Holden… I feel so sad about him, and he makes me worry so much. It seems like he has already tried (probably unintentionally) to push Ellie away, but fortunately she is a smart one <3 Not giving away easily 😉 Bea is adorable! She will be a daddy’s girl, that’s for sure 😀
    Also, I just love Rosettas new hair! It’s so her, haha! Great chapter Kym, as always <3

    • Kymber September 28, 2018 at 8:07 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much 🙂 I think you’re right that he unintentionally pushed Ellie away because he thinks she could do better now. Hopefully, Rosetta’s talk with him will spark a new interest in getting stronger.

      I’m so glad you like Bea. <3 I agree that she will be a daddy’s girl. 😀

      I looked high and low for a new hair look for Rosetta. I’m so glad you like it1

  19. heatherfeather19 September 30, 2018 at 9:43 am - Reply

    The writing her was great. I was getting caught up in Holden’s daydreaming as much as he was.

    I have to say I love Rosetta’s look this chapter. She’s so gorgeous. Bea is adorable, too. Can’t wait to see her growing up.

    It’s good that Holden regained some hope by the end of the chapter. Rosetta knew to reveal her prediction of him walking again.

    • Kymber September 30, 2018 at 1:23 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much, Heather 🙂 I’m so glad you liked the writing. I’ve been working hard on improving.

      I’m also glad you like Rosetta’s new look. I thought she needed to look more the part for her poitical career.

      Bea is so fun in game but I say that about all the toddlers. LOL

      I think it’s time Holden returned to the living. You’re so right about Rosetta and her prediction.

  20. twinsimskeletons October 6, 2018 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    I really understand Holden’s point of view. The problem is it’s so hard to get out of that spiral once you’re that far in. You do need people to be harsh like Rosetta even though you’ll probably reject it at first. The world feels unfair and you’re just full of self-pity… but in reality the world doesn’t give a damn about you and never will unless you do some good. I’m confident Holden will bounce back after that lecture. He just needed time… and then a good talking to.

    • Kymber October 6, 2018 at 9:29 pm - Reply

      You’re so right about how hard it is to climb back out of the pit once you’ve fallen in. I think Rosetta did the only thing she felt she could do, and that was to be frank with him even though it wouldn’t make her popular. I think you’re right about if he will bounce back after the lecture or not. He needed time to rethink his life.

  21. lifeslemonslegacy October 14, 2018 at 8:36 pm - Reply

    This is so crazy! My pet name for my little sister is chicken! She was the same age as Bea when I started calling her that. What a crazy coincidence! Great chapter, I’m glad to be catching up again.

    • Kymber October 16, 2018 at 10:29 am - Reply

      Really? That is so cool that you called your sister Chicken! And she was the same age as Bea when you started calling her that! Whoa! 😀 It’s like I read your mind. lol

      It’s so good to see you! xo

      • lifeslemonslegacy October 16, 2018 at 10:33 am - Reply

        It’s such a hilarious coincidence because obviously it isn’t common! Bea is called chicken because she made the sound, my little sister is called chicken because she loves chicken nuggets so I used to call her nug, chicken nug, and now it’s just chicken. I’m glad to be back!

        • Kymber October 16, 2018 at 10:40 am - Reply

          That’s really funny! I love it!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hi, my name is Kymber but you may know me by my pseudonym, Rosemary Castevet. I’m an author, simmer, Registered Nurse, Judy Garland devotee and horror buff. Did I mention I’m currently owned by Cesare the cat? On top of all of that, I’m a redheaded INFJ who is also a vegan.

I’m glad you’re here! Grab a comfy chair and settle in for a fun read.

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