I saw a little phrase the other day — “Due to not wanting to, I will not.” It stopped me in my tracks.
I often find myself feeling guilty for saying “no” to anyone. It doesn’t just depend on the situation either. It could be a quick favor or something with a huge commitment attached.
It made me wonder how often we say yes out of habit rather than desire.
Does anyone else struggle with this?
How do you say no? And is it okay to say no without offering an explanation? Why do people ask why, and is that even appropriate?
When is saying no all right? Do you have to have a strong reason?
I’d love to hear how you navigate this — maybe we can learn from each other.
Thank you so much for reading, liking, lurking, and commenting! You are important!
Featured image by Kymber, Canva, CoPilot, and ChatGpt
↬ Copyright © 2026 | KL Hawke & booomcha.com | All Rights Reserved. ↫
39 comments
Hi Kymber, I am learning to say no. The takers of this world ask and ask, taking and taking. No has become a means of survival. I don’t always give a reason. I don’t see why I need to.
Hi, Robbie. Thank you so much for this advice. It makes sense and I like your attitude.
🧡
Through the years, I’ve gotten better at it. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I learned that sincerity is missing among many so-called friends.
Thank you, Eugi. I don’t like to disappoint anyone or hurt feelings either. Sincerity missing is the truth! I really appreciate your input on this.
You’re welcome, Kymber.
No, Kymber.😄I just make the time to read blogs, but do not have the time to really respond as I might like. But I do have time to whisper a prayer for you whenever you blog.
❤️&🙏, c.a.
LOL Thank you so much, C.A. That is so good of you, and I appreciate all the prayers I can get.
Excellent topic, Kymber. Not being able to say ‘no’ when wisdom dictates it’s best to do so. Firstly, I discovered that this club has many members. In response to the reason for this, Google offered this: “The inability to say no is rarely about willpower or weakness. It’s a learned protective strategy, one your brain developed to keep you safe from rejection, conflict, or emotional pain. For most people who struggle with this, the pattern started early in life and became so automatic that it now feels like part of who you are rather than something you do.” This answers it for my life, and while I am what can be called an outspoken person, I have the ‘no’ problem. But I am improving. It began when I decided to resign from the club after I became aware of the issue. My solution: Once you become aware of what you are doing, train yourself to say ‘no’ without any explanation. Here’s a dialogue example: ‘No, Mary, I can’t help you with this…’ If Mary is bold enough to ask why – and this is not common- You respond, ‘No reason and nothing personal.” Throughout the dialogue, maintain eye contact. This has worked for me.
Thank you for looking this up and telling me and thank you for giving me an example from your life. How you handle this sounds very reasonable.
I’ve gotten better at it, over the years, but it is still a struggle, because I have this innate fear of letting other people down. I love that phrase, though.
Yes, that’s how I feel, too. I’m afraid of letting people down. It’s a great phrase! lol 🙂
Great post, Kymber! It reminds me of a quote I saw a while back “I don’t have to, so I won’t” which is a bit more saucy. 🙂
Learning to say “no” was hard for me when I first started years ago, I was even told I had become “cruel” for saying it by some, but it’s okay. I felt it was needed.
I woke up, to be honest.
I like your saucier quote! 😀
Cruel is a bit extreme, I think. Sounds like it was the other person with the problem. If you felt it was needed, that’s all that mattered.
Thank you for telling me this. Every comment has helped me a great deal in some aspect of this and I appreciate you.
Thanks Kymber! You’re welcome.
Yes, some people don’t like hearing “no”…:) but it has to be done sometimes for your own peace.
I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Thank you! I hope the same for you! xo
If I don’t want to to, or have too many other things to do, I say no. I typically give a reason though, even though sometimes you don’t need to. When I was younger I sometimes had a hard time saying no. You should not feel pressured into saying yes. However, some people have a very hard time saying no and they can end up getting taken advantage of.
That’s so true. Thank you, Thomas, for your wise words. There is a freedom, I think, in being able to say no especially without feeling the need to give a reason. I envy that, but am determined to get better at this.
I say “no” when my capacity is full and I cannot do what is asked sincerely and without resenting my “yes.” It is not perfected but I am working on it.
Beautifully said. It definitely doesn’t feel good to resent the “yes.” Thank you for explaining this.
Well said.
Sometimes “no” is reason enough… no explanation needed, just honesty with yourself.
Thank you, Philo. I like how you said no is reason enough. Being honest with yourself is crucial.
Don’t feel obligated to say yes. If you’re not comfortable with what they’re asking, they are the ones out of line not you. 😊 Maggie
Thank you so much for this pearl of wisdom. 🩷🌸 I appreciate this, Maggie.
It used to happen to me more often when I was younger –I will be 60 this year. The older I get, the easiest it is for me to say no. No explanations. Sometimes the “no” is accompanied by an expletive… in Spanish if I am feeling kind.
I’ve heard it gets easier, the older you get and I’m feeling a big cantankerous. lol I’m 56. I like how you include a colorful metaphor (sometimes in Spanish) with your “no.” 💗🌺
Mom is terrible at saying no, she feels bad if she does but she tries to say it sometimes. People with strong personalities are good at asking for a lot and making one feel guilty for saying no. It’s tough.
Is she? I know what you mean about feeling badly for saying no. I’m glad she says it sometimes, though. It sure is tough, but you’ve made me feel better. Thank you.
I have a hard time saying NO and often when I do I end up getting talked into doing whatever I said no to to start with
Yes! I know exactly what you mean.
Oh how I can relate!
If I may, this post will give you an idea of how much my good nature was taken for granted
https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/summer-holiday/
Saying No when we were in the cottage (2007 to 2014) lost us a lot of friends, but they weren’t friends anyway, just users wanting to know us for their convenience. We said No when we were unable to accommodate them for dog sitting or something else, I can’t honestly remember now, but suddenly we were pariahs and no-one wanted to know us.
NO is a powerful word despite its size. Most of us don’t use it often enough, out of fear to offend, or in wanting to keep the peace. My sister has still not forgiven me for getting married quietly and her daughters not asked to be bridesmaids as SHE’D promised.
Don’t be afraid or feel guilty for saying No Kymber (and no, I don’t think you have to have a specific reason if you don’t want to do something).
Thank you, Di! Reading what you said has really made me feel better. You’re right that no is a powerful word even though small.
I’m going to read your article now.
I couldn’t see where to comment on your article, but wanted to tell you I liked how you ended it with:
“I have finally… learned to say No and now keep my distance.”
I learned a lot reading your experiences.
My comments close after 30 days and this was an old one, so don’t worry.
We discovered it wasn’t actually us as regards failed friendships when we bought the boat, but the people we had become friendly with. On the boat, it didn’t matter of you drove a porsche or a pushbike, lived in a mansion or a caravan, you owned a boat and that was what mattered and you fitted in. We know a lot of people here too, but only two couples are considered friends, and that’s after 8 years!
Oh, yes, I see.
That makes sense after what you’ve been through.
🙂
💗🌺
I have zero issues with telling someone no, perhaps its because I am older and have dealt with that situation or similar before. Occasionally, a homeless person tries to ask me for something and I say no loudly. Our Metro Police tell the public to not give these people anything.
Oh, I see. I’m glad you have no issues in this department. I hope I get there one day. 🙂