Is This All I Am?
There was a time when life made no sense. She didn’t know how to proceed or what to do. Doubt clouded her mind and covered her like a thick blanket on a cold winter’s day, filling her with dread.
Is this all I am? she often asked herself.
She was married, had young children and had been told her rewards were eternal; not to seek them here. Yet she wanted to know if there was more. Why couldn’t she be content with what she had? Was it because his eyes were always wandering? What would she do if, someday, she found herself alone?
Is this all I am?
Or is there something more? She could stay in her warm cocoon, head down, relying on her husband, taking care of the children. Ignoring infidelities, pretending her future was secure. But could she do this forever? How would she cope on her own with young children? What would she do?
Is this all I am?
Watching her innocent children play, oblivious as their father continually strayed, changed her mind and her life. The little ones were defenseless and relied on her completely. But she would rely on no one, she would be self-sufficient. Yet what did that mean? How did one accomplish that? Doubt gripped her once again, making certain she knew her place.
But… is this all I am?
Slowly, she dared to do more. The building in front of her was daunting but she would spend years there. The familiar doubt tried to crowd her mind. Was she smart enough? Brave enough? This time, she firmly shook herself free and told her fear it was no longer allowed to linger there. The words in her head began to change meaning.
I am more than this!
Through years of studying in the imposing building and dragging her children to class with her when she had to, she began to change the dialogue she allowed in her head even more. Determination replaced insecurity, her failures were her own. So were her wins.
I am going to do this!
The girl who was thought dumb, the one who berated herself and let others do the same, changed. She graduated with honors and her children were proud. Through her, they learned courage, dedication and perseverance.
I did this and I can do more!
She fulfilled her life’s dream of becoming a registered nurse. She found great joy in caring for others and her confidence began to soar even higher. And one day, as she had predicted, she found herself alone with children to provide for. But she was able to handle this because she had worked hard. But more importantly, she had changed the thinking in her head.