Dear Diary, today began earlier than usual as Bea decided she didn’t need to sleep past five this morning. Ellie got up with her and tried to get her to go back to sleep, but Chicken wasn’t having that. Instead, she demanded eggs and toes (or “toast” for the adult speakers).
It wasn’t long before cooking smells wafted in from the kitchen, turning my stomach over in waves. I was suffering from one of the many headaches that had plagued me since the shooting. Dr. Kline said after a “TBI” (or traumatic brain injury), headaches might occur, then he gave me a prescription.
Sometimes the pills worked, other times, they only took the edge off. In the meantime, the pain was skull crushing.
Ellie knelt in front of me after I managed to join her in the dining room.
“You should have stayed in bed,” she said as her fingers curled around my legs.
Her warm hands always made me feel better. I know guys often lie and say they’re fine, and I actually used to do that when I was in pain from dancing. But there was no way to hide a headache like this. All she had to do was take one look at me and she knew what was going on.
“I’m supposed to be trying harder.”
“That’s commendable, honey, but trying harder doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rest if you’re in pain.”
“I promised to brush my hair today,” I said with a quirky smile that was half grimace.
She laughed a little. “I’ll admit that would have been great but I’m more worried about the dark circles under your eyes.”
“So, who’s babysitting us today?”
“I don’t like it when you say it like that,” she said with a frown.
“Sorry.”
“Today is your dad. Your parents are in town so your mom could guest lecture at River Fork Girls College. Your father said he would enjoy spending some time with you.”
“Not today, he wouldn’t,” I grumbled.
“That does it, I’m staying home.”
“No, no, don’t do that,” I said. “I’m sorry I’m such a grouch this morning.”
“I know you’re in a great deal of pain and you can’t help it. I hate leaving you like this.”
Her words crushed my heart as if a vise had gripped it and continued to squeeze. I felt guilty because there were times I was jealous of the life she lived out there in the real world. She was able to do something she was passionate about, meet new people, see friends on an equal level. It hurt me to my core that I was being selfish enough to take even one day of it away from her. She’d suffered enough.
“Dad’s here,” I said as he came in. “You should go to work and enjoy your day. I took my pills and they’ll kick in soon.”
“I don’t know,” she said with a frown.
“Hello, kids,” Dad said with a little wave as he joined us.
Ellie patted my leg like I was a child, then stood. “Holden’s got one of those headaches.”
“Oh, I see.”
I opened my eyes and blinked against the harsh sunlight that flooded them, making everything worse. “She thinks she should stay home, but I told her we’d be fine.”
“Of course we will,” he agreed with an enthusiasm I wasn’t feeling.
Murphy, who I didn’t remember having, approached me with his happy, little face. Of the many things I’d had to relearn since the shooting, one was that I loved a little dog. In the past two years, my memory had not improved but Murphy was patient. I found a best friend in him, someone who would never judge me or think me incomplete. He was faithful and funny, he always treated me like I was the best thing that’d ever happened to him.
“Hey, Murph,” I said as I tuned Ellie and Dad out. They were talking about me, no doubt, in their hushed tones.
Ellie kissed me a few minutes later and told me bye. I did my best at providing a reassuring smile and told her to have a great day.
As my headache ebbed, my mood improved. We decided it would be nice to go outside for a change and so I rolled my wheelchair as far as I could through the bedroom. Dad pushed me over the bump where the door was and I steered myself to one side of the porch.
When dad came back out, he had Bea in his arms and he sat her down to play with her xylophone. With giggles, she pounded at it without mercy.
“Take it easy on that thing,” I said to her.
“You never know,” Dad said, “she may one day be a famous musician. She should have music lessons when she is old enough.”
“I’d better get back to work if we’re going to pay for all that.”
This seemed to interest my dad a great deal. “Oh? Do you have plans? What have you thought about doing?”
All at once, I could feel my temper rising. I didn’t want to feel this way, inadequate and petulant. Yet the more I tried to quell the blood boiling in my veins, the less control I seemed to have over it.
“Ballet is the only thing I’m good at! There is nothing else!”
“There is always something else, Son.”
“What? What is there?” I demanded. “Tell me because I’d like to know!”
Dad’s expression went through a lot right then. At first, I saw astonishment in his eyes, then a bit of anger, finally it all resolved with his mouth in a thin, firm line.
“We will speak about this again when you are calm.”
His words, of course, deflated me as I suppose he thought they would. Mom always said it takes two to fight and Dad wasn’t going to go down that road with me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“What was that?”
It was clear he’d heard me but all at once, I wasn’t in the mood to argue. “I said, I’m sorry.”
“Ah, well, no worries,” he answered with a nod.
Bea sang as loud as she could while pounding the xylophone. There were no words, not any I could tell anyway. Dad cringed but didn’t stop her.
“It may be that I am wrong about Beatrice and her musical abilities.”
This made me smile a little. “It’s too early to tell, I reckon.”
Now he laughed. “Yes, I suppose you are right.”
“If the time does come, though, for music lessons, or whatever, I do not want you to feel pressured in a financial sense. You know if there is anything you or your family needs, your mother and I will help you in an instant.”
One thing I’d worried about my entire life, it seemed, was whether I was the kind of son my father could be proud of. For a long time, I felt like having a boyfriend and pursuing ballet was a double whammy for him. He’d expected that I would follow him into the family business, marry and have kids. And, who knows? If Fletcher hadn’t broken up with me all those years ago, I could still be with him now. Well, that was actually a matter of opinion. We had issues.
After I started working in the ballet company, we had a heart to heart and he told me I was fine the way I was. And things were good. No matter how well or how crappy I danced, I knew I had his support.
Then, this happened and I will never dance again. It’s obvious my family loves me. My parents aren’t out of town near as much as they used to be. My sister stops by almost every day and Ellie has been more patient with me than I deserve.
“Holden?”
“Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah, I know you and mom are there for us. Thanks.”
I’m guessing he knew I would never accept financial help but he smiled and nodded at me regardless.
As Dad took Bea inside for lunch and her nap, I tried very hard not to lose myself in daydreaming again. I’d been doing less of that sort of thing but sometimes, I lost myself in memories before I even realized it.
With some struggle, I managed to turn my chair around on the small porch so I could see the city in the distance. Luckily, my head felt good enough now that the sun wasn’t bothering me so much.
Fortress Rock was my favorite place in the world and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. At times, I felt my stomach sink when I thought about no longer living in the city proper. I liked the excitement, the people, the sounds of cars driving by, sirens in the night. Even after a couple years, it was too quiet here.
With a deep sigh, I gazed up at the sky. The air smelled like fresh cut grass, though, which was kind of nice. There were also more trees. And this house had a great looking treehouse for Bea.
If only I could climb up there with her. Rosetta had promised I’d walk again but could I trust her to tell me the truth? I hadn’t questioned her before but this seemed too good to be true.
“Did you see that?” I asked her.
“Yes.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“No, Holden, of course not.”
I had to believe her and try my best to make it happen, there was no other choice in the matter. As she’d said, I had to do it for my family.
That evening after Dad had left and dinner was over, Rosetta came by. I transferred myself from the wheelchair to the couch to visit with her. Ellie brought Bea’s dollhouse to the living room and plopped the toddler down in front of it.
“There you go, sweetie,” she cooed.
“My niece is the most delightful of children. I do think you should get her on TV.”
“Oh, no, none of that kind of thing,” Ellie said as she returned to the kitchen.
“Hey, Chicken, do you wanna be on TV?” I asked.
“No!”
“Are you the most adorable child ever?” Rosetta asked her.
“No!”
“Oh, yes you are, Auntie says so,” Rosetta said with a wide smile.
“No!”
This game went on for a few minutes with a lot of teasing and laughter, then there was a lull in the conversation. Bea, who was playing with the dollhouse the entire time she was telling us no, bit into one of the doll’s heads.
“Your doll says ouch!” I told her.
Instead of being sorry for the doll, her eyes lit up as she twisted its head.
My mouth opened a little as I watched her, feeling a little horrified.
Then, my sister said, “I admire her so much. Isn’t she a dear?”
Before I could respond with the horror I felt, Ellie said with a laugh, “Relax, Holden. All little kids do that kind of thing.”
While I couldn’t remember ever twisting any doll’s heads off, I still hoped my wife was right about that.
“Hello,” came a friendly male voice through the open door.
“Oh, hi!” Ellie answered, letting him inside.
In his arms was a child. “I’m sorry to interrupt but my wife and I are moving in next door. I’m J.P. Poe and this is my son Jem. We’re not quite all the way in yet but I thought it would be nice to introduce ourselves.”
After Ellie introduced us, she asked about his wife.
“I’m a stay at home dad and so I’ve been working on the house. She’ll be home soon which is why I can’t stay long.”
During our conversation, we learned that his wife was a fashion photographer. J.P. was actually short for Joseph Poe but for obvious reasons, he didn’t like it when people called him Joe Poe, so J.P. it was.
“It was very nice to meet you,” Ellie said as our guest left. “Bath time for a little girl!” Bea squealed with delight as Ellie scooped her up.
“No!”
“Be good for mommy.”
“Sweet dreams, I have to go,” Rosetta said.
Once she was clean and in her comfy jammies, I let her crawl up into my lap where she stood facing me. Ellie was nervous, but I told her it was time she let me watch my daughter by myself during her shower. It would only be for a few minutes and it would make me feel great to be in charge.
Chicken took hold of my cheeks in her little hands and leaned her forehead against mine.
“I love you,” I told her.
“Wuv you, too,” she said with a giggle.
Her hair smelled like baby shampoo and it felt good being able to hold her and take care of her by myself.
Once we were in bed and the house was quiet, I thanked her for giving me that chance.
“You’re getting stronger all the time,” Ellie said as she ran her fingers through my hair.
“Rosie said I’d walk again – that she’s seen it.”
Ellie’s hands paused for a moment. “I’m sure she’s right but I don’t want you full of false hope.”
We were silent for a little while before I said, “It’s important to me that I find something to be passionate about.”
“That’s wonderful. Do you have anything in mind?”
“No, but wanting it is a beginning, right?” I asked.
When she answered me, her voice was thick with unshed tears. “Right. Whatever it is, I’ll always be your biggest fan.”
Author’s Note: Thank you so much, Bee, for the wonderful poses! You are a gift to me. <3 You can find Bee’s poses at Poses by Bee. You can find her awesome Simlit at Stories by Bee.
As always, thank you for reading, liking, lurking, and commenting,
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This was a great chapter! It’s nice to see that Holden is finding some hope and trying to figure out what his next step is going to be. His daughter is so cute, and I love her already! I love that he calls her Chicken. LOL!
I wonder what will happen with this new neighbor. He seems friendly enough, so maybe a friendship is something Holden can use right now. Hey, every little bit helps, right? And I love how Ellie is so patient with him. Also, Xalen refused to fight with him, which I love.
Looking forward to seeing what’s going to happen next.
I’m glad you liked this chapter. 😀 I loved that Holden called Bea Chicken, too. lol
I think Holden needed a friendship, so this is happening at a good time. Bea now has a little friend, too. 🙂
** I don’t think my first comment posted. If it did, I’m sorry for the double post!
Uh, Xavier is the best grandpa ever? I loved every scene with him. He and Rosetta’s tough love really make Holden check is attitude. That being said, it’s not like he doesn’t have a right to the anger he feels.
I laughed so hard at Holdens horror when Bea was biting her dolls head off. We have all felt that way when watching children. They can be such little terrors! Great chapter!
It posted! 😀 But I enjoyed reading this all over again. No need to apologize. I once sent a comment to another author’s chapter three or four times because I didn’t think it had gone through when it really did. hahaha 😛
Uh, Xavier is the best grandma ever? Loved all of the scenes with him. He and Rosetta’s sternness are what really makes Holden question his actions. That being said, he definitely has a right to be upset.
I laughed so hard at Holdens horror when Bea was biting her dolls head off. I think we’ve all felt that way when watching how terrifying kids can be. Bless their little hearts. Great chapter!
Thank you so much! 🙂 Isn’t he great? I really was missing him, so I’m glad he got to be in this chapter. I think you’re right that it’s his and Rosetta’s sternness that makes him question his own behavior. I’m glad that part with Bea and the doll made you laugh. Kids really can be terrifying! lolol
I liked seeing Xalen interact with Holden here. I think he needed that talk, too.
It’s so nice to see Holden feeling a little better. And Bea is an adorable little thing – how can you be sad with her in your life? Or Murphy, either!
Thank you so much 🙂 I think you’re one hundred percent right about that. Sometimes, you just need one of your parents to bring you back to reality. lol
How indeed can you be sad with her and Murphy around? lol 😀
I love this family moment! Xalen, Rosetta… Wish Marty was here too. Bea is so cute, but we might just get Rosetta version 2.0 as an heir after all. xD Excited to see what Holden will pursue next. Maybe teaching?
Thank you so much. 🙂 It would have been good if Marty had been there, I agree. Holden is so afraid he is raising Rosetta 2.0! haha
Teaching is a great idea! Stay tuned, this next chapter is a game changer. 🙂
Murphy! We don’t see enough of him. <3
Xalen, too. He was so smart in how he avoided the argument.
Holden is right that he’s surrounded by people who love him. Ellie is so caring and patient. I hope Holden finds something to be passionate about again. If he has to spend so much time at home, he needs something to do.
It’s great to see another dad will be next door!
Thank you, Heather! 🙂 I agree about Murph. 😀 I love that little guy. ❤
I was really missing Xalen a lot. He hasn’t always understood Holden but he does know how to avoid an argument. lol
I think Holden will find something very soon.
The neighbors are going to be great for our little family, I think. 🙂
That’s always good to know Holden wants to do something he is passionate about I wish him a better future than this.
Thank you so much. 🙂 I think things will be much better for him now. He just needs to keep trying to move forward.
He should be for his family, for himself, Holden isn’t the kind of guy like his self portrayed these past two years.
Yes, I quite agree with you. 🙂
I have faith that Holden will find a new passion to keep him going! He’s been slowly improving over these last few chapters. I hope we get to see more of the neighbors, maybe Holden’s daughter and their kid will become friends?
Thank you so much, Raymond. 🙂 I have the same faith. The neighbors might be a good change for Holden and I do think it would be great for the kids to become friends, too.
I can see Holden slowly getting better. I am so proud of him. He is entitled to have his bad moments, especially if he is still experiencing those migraines. And as I comment I am wondering what kind of affect this will have on his psychic abilities (although I know that he is no where as powerful as Rosetta).
Anyway, I hope we get to see more of the new neighbors. They seem like good people 🙂
Thank you, Stephanie 🙂 I’m glad you’re proud of Holden. He is slowly getting better but the headaches really seem to set him back at times.
I think Rosetta would be thrilled if he honed that psychicness of his but he’s always rejected that side of life. So, if the ability is gone now, I think he’d be fine with that.
Rosetta is more powerful than she even knew. Of course, instead of being alarmed by this, she is delighted. LOL
I think the neighbors will be around a lot. 😀 In a good way.
Yay!! 🙂
I think I’m seeing some positivity from Holden? That’s a good change. Maybe he can strike up a friendship with JP? He needs company from people outside the family to readjust.
Thank you so much, Violincat 🙂 Yes! I think Holden is feeling more positive about his situation and that’s a good thing. I think he and JP could have a great friendship which would probably do him good. I agree that he needs to be social again with people other than family.
I am so glad to see him slowly getting better .. BUT he needs to get his head out of the clouds and back to earth .. stop wallowing in self pity .. then begin making solid plans for his future .. many para and quadriplegics live full and interesting live !
Thank you, Lisa 🙂 I’m glad to see he’s getting better, too, but you are right about needing to get his head out of the clouds. He has a lot to live for and so, it would make sense that he begins making plans for the future. You’re right about paraplegics and quadriplegics; if they can do it, so can he.,
Yay for Xalen! His firm, unwavering attitude is just what Holden needs.
Bea had me cracking up through the chapter, I actually laughed out loud at the ‘no’ part. She’s very fiesty now so I am curious to see what kind of character she will be when she grows up.
Ahh the ending had me feeling emotional! There is hope for Holden, and I trust he will find something new to be passionate about and get back on his feet again.
Great chapter <3
Thank you so much, Lila 🙂 You’re so right about Xalen. I was really missing him.
I’m so glad Bea made you laugh. I’m still getting a feel for her but she’s pretty funny in game. I can’t wait to see what traits she rolls.
I think Holden is really trying hard now to claw his way out of the funk he’s been in. He’s got a lot to live for and I think he’ll find what makes him happy.
Then, my sister said, “I admire her so much. Isn’t she a dear?”
LOL, I’m DED!
Dude, so is Holden! LOLOLOL To Ellie, he’s like, “You don’t think we should worry? Because I think we should worry!” hahaha 😀
Srsly lol. He’s afraid of raising Rosetta Jr! LOL
No doubt about it! hahaha 😀 Thanks for making me laugh tonight. 😀
Anytime! 😀
I keep meaning to tell you, I love the way the pictures focus closer when you put your cursor over them, it an awesome effect 🙂
and your pictures have so much feeling in them and are so clear… a wonderful story to Rosemary 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thank you so very much, Darren, for your kind words. I appreciate it a great deal. I’m glad you like the picture effect. I only realized a short time ago that I could do that. haha
That was such a beautiful chapter! <3 I swear, I almost cried too at that last scene..!
Also, the way little Bea says no to everything… so freaking adorable, and it literally cracked me up! 😂 Hey, I spent a good amount of time decapitating a whole lotta dolls in my time, nothing wrong with that… lmaooo!!
That new neighbor seems interesting – like Louise, I was wondering what effect he’s gonna have on Holden’s life… I really hope it will be an opportunity for him!
Really excited to see where you’ll be taking this! 😀
Thank you so much 🙂 I’m so glad you liked the chapter. That last scene got to me, too. I’m just glad Bee could bring it to life.
I was trying to think about what my kids said at that age and I was like… “No!” lol Tots seem to really like that word. 😀 Did you really perform a lot of decapitations? Well, I won’t worry then about this incident. LOL
It might be good for Holden to have a friend next door. I think he’s got a touch of cabin fever. lol
Well, I still think he should teach ballet! Perhaps Bea might be interested in learning it, somewhere down the line. I don’t know, there are actually quite a few options, but we will have to wait and see what happens! I think having a stay-at-home dad next door will do Holden a world of good if he takes an interest in being friends with J.P.. As always, the poses are awesome!! Good to have a happy chapter, and nice to see Holden is improving. Xalen is always the trusted backbone of the family, and I’m glad Holden realizes how much his dad really loves him!
Thank you, Marj! 🙂 I know you’ve mentioned his teaching ballet a few times. 😀 And, yes, Bea might even be interested in taking classes. I have a plan for Holden that I think you’ll be pleased with.
I agree with you about Holden having a stay at home dad next door. I think it will be good for him, too.
I enjoyed having a lighter chapter, too, believe me. lol
You’re so right about Xalen and how he’s the backbone of the family. I like his relationship with Holden a lot.
Hmmm… I wonder if Bea is like Auntie ! Shudder-fear !
Holden is getting better? I’m so glad .
Thank you, CT 😀 I think Holden was shuddering at the thought, too. LOL Hopefully, she doesn’t roll Rosetta’s traits. So far, so good. haha
He’s getting stronger, it seems.
Aww, as Louise said, I’m happy to see more happiness in your story, at last. Well, at least Ella is no longer a threat. I love all Bee’s poses in this chapter, they looked so awesome in your story, no wonder, though, as they’re awesome even when they’re not in it. Double awesome, that is! I’m happy to see Holden interacting with his dad, we don’t see Xalen as often now. Bea is a cutie and Holden absolutely adores her. It’s weird that someone finally has one child in your legacy. I do hope that Holden will find something he’d want to do and would be good at. There has to be something!
Thank you, Jowita. 🙂 Sorry about all the darkness. I guess they had to go through all that before they could get to this point. Bee works wonders. lol I really enjoyed having Xalen around. I was missing him and his opinion was always so important to Holden. Holden does adore Bea, you’re right about that. I think she’s the light of his life. I beleive Holden will find something that stokes that passion in him again. 😀
Holden is slowly getting better. It has to be such a horrible struggle for both of them. I hope JP turns out to be a good friend and comes over and lets the kids play. I hope he doesn’t actually become a downer for Holden. Chicken is such a cutie and loves her Daddy. I thought it was hilarious that Rosetta liked it when she bit and twisted the dolls head. She is scary!
Thank you, Audrey 🙂 Yes, Holden is coming around and getting stronger. I think JP will turn out to be a friend but we’ll see how it goes. I hope Jem and Chicken get along. 😀 Oh my goodness, Rosetta. What can you do with her? LOLOL
O.M. Gosh, that toddler pose with Holden and BEA looked soooooo gooood! she is adorable and by the way, I like his unkempt hair. I hope he keeps it! LOL
Xalen handled his son exactly as he should have! Holden, calm as he always portrayed himself, has always been a bubbling fire deep within. I so hope he does walk again and finds something for his life beside ballet. So much time has passed now, I doubt he could do that again and it’s sad for sure. I do like the idea of modeling, from the above comment. I feel that would be a great idea! Seeing him turn the corner and state there will be something else for him he can do, was a great ended. Xalen’s presence that day was obviously good for him. Just being there was an influence, without pestering him and being an overbearing dad.
Thank you, Bee. 🙂 Those poses are soooo good! Good to know about the unkempt hair. 😀
I agree with everything you said about Xalen and his presence there. And, I like what you said about Holden always having a fire deep within. I think with ballet, he was always able to work that out. Now, he’s just there and frustrated.
The modeling idea is really interesting. I do have a plan for Holden and I can’t wait until you see. 🙂
Aaaw, this was such a lovely chapter 🙂 Loved how Xalen just completely refused to argue! Reason number one million why Xalen is the best character… 😀
I liked to see Holden slowly finding a little hope through all this, and how could he not with such a ray of sunshine for a daughter. I already love her! <3 I’m interested to see what happens with this new neighbour. Is it trouble or maybe an opportunity? A fashion photographer – if Holden gets on his feet, I can imagine him modelling and enjoying it. But we’ll see where you’re taking this. No matter what, I’m sure it’ll be awesome. This was a delight to read after some rather dark chapters. <3
Thank you so much, Louise. 🙂 Yeah, I decided it was time to lighten up a bit. LOL Sorry for all the darkness lately. I’m so glad you liked this chapter and, like you, I feel Xalen is awesome. 😀 I’m also glad you already like Bea. I’m still getting a feel for her character but in game, she is a delight.
I think the new neighbor might be a chance for Holden and Bea to socialize – no evil plans, I promise. lololol 😀
Disclaimer regarding evil plans: YET. 😛 😀