Dear J, I am afloat in a sea of crazy! Okay, maybe that sounds a little dramatic but lately, that’s how my thought process has been. One minute, I was walking on clouds due to my engagement to Leela, the next, my jaw was on the floor because of a certain Chrissy Valentine who happened to be sitting in my living room chatting to Blue and Ruby as if that was a normal thing.
I didn’t trust that even though the girls had gone upstairs, they weren’t listening in. After all, if it had been me in that position and my parents had sent me upstairs, I would have dutifully gone up, but only opened and closed my bedroom door. I’d be standing at the top of the stairs, straining to hear whatever I could. It’d be stupid of me to think Blue hadn’t thought to do the same.
So, as soon as I heard the bedroom door close, I stiffly motioned for Chrissy to follow me to the other side of the house to the office. I purposefully positioned myself in the open doorway so I could see the stairs from where we were.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, trying, not very successfully, to keep my voice down.
She had the nerve to look surprised. “Well, I got out of rehab and came home to my family. I’m all better now. You agreed that once I got cleaned up, I could see Blue.”
Her family? I had agreed to that? The conversation I remembered didn’t go down like that at all. I ran a shaking hand through my hair as if that would calm my frayed nerves.
“I never told you to come here unannounced! Blue has never met you. Don’t you think it would have been better if I’d known – if she’d known – about this ahead of time? This is unthinkable!”
“Unthinkable?” she screeched.
I put a hand up, indicating she should lower her voice. This was a nightmare. “What did you say to her?”
She shrugged. “Just normal stuff. I asked how she was doing in school. But she didn’t really say much, so I did most of the talking. You know, chatty kind of stuff, nothing heavy. Who is that other girl?”
“I’m asking the questions here,” I said, my voice sounding like two measures of staccato. “Listen, the last we’d left it, before you went into treatment, you were the one to say you didn’t want to see Blue until you were clean. That was not an invitation from me to waltz into my house and act like you live here or something.”
She shook her head, her blue eyes clouded with confusion. “But you paid for my treatment. You said you wanted me to get better! You held me in your arms on the park bench!”
“I felt sorry for you! How could I leave the mother of my child homeless on a park bench?” I yelled, forgetting that I was trying to keep my voice low.
Now she had the audacity to look indignant. “You felt sorry for me? Wow, Leo. I thought you cared about me!” When I didn’t respond, she added, “Didn’t you get my letter? I love you! I want to be a family!”
“But we’re not a family, Chrissy! And I’m engaged to be married now to someone I love very much. That isn’t going to change.” That may have sounded harsh, but not only was I getting more pissed by the second, I needed her to hear me loud and clear.
“Don’t you care about me at all?”
Finally, I sighed, scratching my chin. “Look, I do care about you… as the mother of my child. But that’s it. Remember when we sat on that bench and you told me we didn’t even really know each other? You were right about that.”
“Leo, c’mon. You can’t hold me accountable for anything I said before rehab. Can’t we just start over?”
What would starting over mean? The only thing I could figure was that it would mean something completely different to me than it did to her.
“I’m afraid not. I have Blue to think about. She means everything to me and I won’t let you hurt her. You had no business coming here without talking to me first. You had no right to talk to her at all until you and I had discussed how we were going to approach this. Just by what you’ve done today alone, I know you don’t have the capability to even understand why that’s important.”
With that, Chrissy’s entire expression changed. She jutted her chin out defiantly as she spoke. “Well, if you’re just going to stand there judging me, I guess I’ll get going.”
“Where are you staying? I think we should talk some more about this when we’re both calmer.”
Averting her eyes, she said, “I don’t have money for a hotel. I was hoping I could stay here.”
Just. Great. “That’s not a good idea. For a lot of reasons.”
“Well, I guess I’ll just go back to the park then!” she said with angry tears in her eyes.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. “I’ll pay for your hotel room and give you some money for food.”
She wiped her nose on her sleeve and smiled a little with relief. “Do you think you could give me some money for some clothes? This isn’t exactly my style.”
For heaven’s sake.
Later when I went upstairs, I saw the light on under Blue’s bedroom door. Knocking lightly, I peeked in.
“I thought you’d be in bed.”
“Come on in, Daddy,” I heard her call.
“Where’s Ruby?” I asked, looking around.
“Bathroom.”
“I wanted to talk to you about earlier.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that, too,” she said.
I couldn’t read her expression but I could hear in her voice that she was upset.
“That was my mom, right?”
“How did you know?”
Blue rolled her eyes. “I look just like her if you ignore my eye color.”
“Thankfully, that’s the only thing you got from me looks-wise,” I tried to joke. Anything to lighten up the mood.
“Why is she here now?” Blue asked, throwing her hands in the air.
Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t know. She has a bad habit of doing this kind of thing.”
Blue’s eyes suddenly grew large as if she realized something for the first time. “So it’s true!”
“What? What’s true?”
“She was here before! When I was younger, I heard yelling from downstairs, so I climbed out of bed and peeked down but all I could see were her feet from where I was standing.”
Rubbing my eyes, all I could think was that just when everything was seemingly falling into place, it was now falling apart. “Yes. I thought you were sleeping. I even checked on you.”
“I know,” she said. “I remember. Why didn’t you let her see me?”
“She was going through a really rough time back then and she came to me for help. That’s when she decided to go into treatment at a drug and alcohol rehab facility. She went inpatient for a long time, then spent an even longer time in a half-way house type situation. She is the one who decided she shouldn’t meet you until she was straightened out.”
Immediately, her eyes narrowed. “Really.”
It wasn’t a question. “Is there something going on I don’t know about?”
I didn’t like the way my daughter was looking at me when she said, “No.”
“Blue, I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”
“I just have to think, Daddy.”
With an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I warily went to my room to shower and go to bed.
From the diary of Blue Capra:
Dear Diary, today after school, Ruby and I decided to check out the Simfest. We were pretty excited since we’d never been before. The entire day, I could barely concentrate on my schoolwork. When I thought about the Simfest, I don’t know why, but I imagined something similar to one of my dad’s rock shows. I learned something, though, about expectations because when we got there, the crowd was pretty small. So was the stage. And the act was some kind of weird contortionist-acrobat with goofy music. I can’t even remember his name but, to be honest, I’m not really worried about it.
Ruby spent the whole time with her eyes shut. “It’s so cringey,” she said.
If there’s one thing about Ruby, she seems to always say the things I’m thinking in my head. Well, almost always. There are things even Ruby doesn’t know. I just can’t bring myself to tell her because I think she would be disappointed with me. If I ever knew she felt that way toward me, I would just die.
When we couldn’t stand it anymore, we sneaked behind the stage. There were some kids hiding back there, smoking, but they headed for some nearby trees when we plopped down on the grass.
I leaned back against the stage, my dirty, powder blue Converses propped on a rock, the acrobat’s music pounding in my temples. Ruby sat next to me, her legs crossed. Funny thing about Ruby, she calls sitting like that “crisscross applesauce.” It’s kind of lame, I guess, but it’s one of the things that makes Ruby… well, Ruby.
“I wish we could get out of here and go to the movies,” Ruby complained. “But the flick I wanna see isn’t out yet.”
“Not me. I wish we could go to a real concert. I saw online that tickets for Pest are on sale starting tomorrow.”
Ruby frowned slightly. “I don’t think our parents would let us see Pest.” Giving me a sideways glance, she asked, “What was it like having your dad be a rock star and doing all those shows? You went to them, right?”
Inwardly, I sighed. I knew what Ruby wanted to hear; what all the kids wanted to hear. They wanted me to tell them how awesome it was hanging out with musicians and artsy people. They wanted stories about wild parties and meeting celebrities. Thing is, that wasn’t the kind of life I’d had. Sure, I went to some shows and even went on stage once during one of Dad’s favorite songs. But mostly, it was lonely. There weren’t any other kids. The only parties I saw were my own birthdays and even then, only grown ups attended.
You know what else it was like even after Dad left the business? It was going to a new school for the first time and ending up with only one friend in the whole world because all the kids I met were only nice to me because they had some lame idea that my dad would come perform at their birthday parties or some other stupid idea.
I was surrounded by people all the time who knew who I was, but I was still horribly lonely. They knew who I was, but they didn’t bother to really know me. They wanted to meet my dad and get autographs.
And they all thought I was a snob because, in return, I didn’t give them the time of day.
Part of me was really super pissed because Dad promised me that this new life in Hidden Springs would be normal. Well… ha! What an absolute lie that turned out to be. I loved him so much but sometimes I thought I might scream from all the anger I had building up inside of me over this.
Maybe because I was always kind of shy, he thought it wouldn’t matter if I had friends or normalcy. Well, let me tell you, it mattered. And now I was almost grown up, my childhood closing out, and it all made me so scared.
Looking up at the sky, I imagined floating among the fluffy white clouds. If I were a bird, I would fly far away from here and everyone who knew who I was. I would live with other birds and we’d all stretch our wings wide and soar the sky together without a care. I wouldn’t stand out or be something to stare at. I’d be one of them.
Maybe that sounds dumb but to me, it was a nice dream even though it could never come true.
“What are you thinking, Blue?”
I’d forgotten Ruby was there. She was so kind, so caring toward me. I felt like she was my sister and knew me better than anybody. But it also seemed to me that she was a better friend to me than I deserved.
“I was thinking…. about birds.” Pushing my hand into my pocket, I felt the note that had been shoved inside my locker. The curiosity was overwhelming but this wasn’t the time to read it. I wanted to be alone for that.
She smiled pleasantly. Ruby never made fun of me. She was never critical or mean. But she was full of questions that sometimes seemed a little nosy. “So, you never really told me anything about the other night when your mom showed up. What did your dad say about that? I bet he was mad!”
I wasn’t surprised that she was bringing this up now. It was so obvious that she had wanted to talk about it since it had happened. Whenever she’d tried to start this conversation, I would change the subject. Today, I wouldn’t, though.
“He was mad all right,” I confirmed. “And just this morning, as an after thought, I guess, he told me never to let anyone in the house again that I didn’t know. But, I mean, it was so clear who she was. I look just like her.”
“You sure do,” Ruby said.
Over the next several minutes, I went through everything Dad had said to me about the incident. What I didn’t tell her is that he lied to me. Or my mom lied to me. One of them was freaking lying (or maybe they both were!) and what I’d been wondering was, if Chrissy sticks around, is this how it’s always going to be? I’m always going to be thinking someone’s not telling me the truth.
My pale cheeks flushed crimson and grew hot as my anger began to build again. I had to get out of here.
Without another word, I sprinted off. I could hear Ruby calling out to me, her voice growing fainter as I picked up speed.
Running was always something I was pretty good at. I was fast and had endurance. For being so thin, I really surprised people by how athletic I was. Looking around now, I realized I’d gone pretty far as I didn’t even recognize where I was.
Panting, I leaned against a giant pile of stacked hay bales, taking in the faint sweet smell it gave off. I smiled slightly as I breathed in another gulp of fresh air. This aroma reminded me of my riding lessons which I really loved. To me, horses didn’t smell badly. I loved the barn smells…. well, except for the urine. Cleaning out a putrid smelling horse stall was not tops on my list of pleasant things to do. But I would clean out a stall all day long if it meant my horse was happy.
Remembering the note in my pocket, I pulled it out to see what it said. It was just a musty smelling paper scrap with some kind of partly smeared handwriting on it. If I had to guess, I would say whoever wrote it, was a guy.
I squinted at it for a few minutes, trying to figure out the words.
“St. Cyr
Winchester Farming Community”
This was so strange. Was I supposed to know what this meant? Had it been shoved into my locker by accident? But no. Turning the scrap over, I saw “B.V.C” scribbled across the back. Blue Valentine Capra, my initials.
My mind was puzzled as I stared at the note again. I didn’t know what St. Cyr or the name of the community meant. I’d never heard of either. Was this someplace I could go?
Crinkling up the note, I shoved it back into my jeans pocket. The sun was setting but the thought of going home and being around my family was unbearable.
Screw these lies and this loneliness! I decided right then and there that I’d search the internet for this place. If it was in my power, when the time was right, I would even go there.
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Oh man! Chrissy is still so very messed up and if not handled carefully, will mess things up for everyone else. She obviously misread Leo’s intentions and genuinely thinks she has a life with Leo. She’s so delusional and needs to totally be set straight.
No wonder Blue feels so confused. Everyone has held some kind of truth from her and that’s not sitting well. I hope she can find some normalcy soon and figure out where she will turn.
You’re so right about Chrissy! If only setting her straight wasn’t such a difficult thing to do. lol
I’m glad you said that about Blue (about “no wonder she’s confused”). These circumstances were less than ideal, that’s for sure.
I hate Chrissy. I wonder how Blue would feel about her father “hiding” her mother from her if she learned that Chrissy had tossed her aside as an infant, like she were just a soiled, worn paper towel.
Poor Leo–he just can’t cut a break.
Chrissy is really a detestable person, it’s true. What’s worse is that I do think she believes she’s entitled to something, whatever that is. Leo is a bit soft on her most of the time and that contributes to his woes. lol
Hmm… I guess I had Blue wrong after all… No secret relationship, but what is up with that note?! Can’t wait to find out. On the other hand… *wince* I knew the thing with Chrissy would eventually come back to bite Leo. I understand his reasons but Blue kind off deserves to know who her mother is. No matter how messed up Chrissy is.
You are so right about that. In trying to protect Blue, Leo kind of blew it.
I wonder if this place has anything to do with Mango…
Thank you. 🙂 You just never know.
Uh oh. Another hot head?
Thanks for an entertaining night, uhhhh, morning, rather lol. I’ll be back soon!
Thank YOU! 🙂 You sure read a lot in one sitting. 🙂
I wasn’t quite ready to go to bed LOL
lol 🙂
I don’t understand Blue at all. Why blame her dad for her unhappiness when she has never told him how she feels? He’s not a mind reader! He can’t help if he doesn’t know there’s a problem. To immediately assume her dad is lying to her because it contradicts the word of woman you don’t know and who abandoned you when you were a baby is beyond stupid. Yeah she should be upset to meet her mom for the first time but her anger is directed at the wrong person. She should be wondering about what kind of person left the note not jumping to the conclusion she should find where this place is. She’s heading for so much hurt and trouble and it’s all going to be her fault because she’s not opening up and communicating with anyone.
Thank you, dandylion 🙂 You couldn’t be more right that Blue is barking up the wrong tree. She’s definitely not acting very smart or mature right now. In future chapters, you will see her mind jump to more conclusions, causing problems. Her antics are not cute and uncalled for. As she matures, hopefully she will figure these things out and grow from that. 🙂
Goddamnit Chrissy! Fuck off already! >:( Leo needs to get some guard dogs or something!
Oh, Blue. All you need to do is tell Leo you’re unhappy, and he’ll move heaven and earth to fix it. Please don’t do something drastic like running away to some farming community. How about talk to someone. Like your best friend! Blue’s pissed over her parents’ trust issues and she doesn’t even trust her “sister” with her thoughts! Got some hypocrisy going on there, Blue. You need to stop, think, and then get a few different opinions.
Awesome chapter, as always! Leaves me wishing for more! 😉
LOL! Thank you so much, fluffymao! I think you’re right about the guard dogs! Big ones! haha You’re so right also about how Leo would move heaven and earth for that girl. You really hit the nail on the head about the hypocrisy going on. Hopefully, Blue has more of Leo in her than Chrissy.
Okay I’m bad, I looked up the farming community 😉
Now I’m wondering if this will be Blue’s future or a bump in her road towards her future.
As to Chrissy … she just needs to be glad she’s no where near my game 😉 Then again a good security gate can keep unwanted guests away as well as a few good guard dogs.
Looking forward to seeing where you take this.
Thank you, mmdrgntobldrgn! 🙂 I wondered if anyone would look that up! haha 😀 You raise a very good question there which will be answered in the near future.
I’m laughing reading what you said about Chrissy. Perhaps Leo should invest in some of those things! haha 😀
Thank you again.
If only we could change the past! Leo should have told her daughter the truth much earlier and let Blue draw her own conclusions about Chrissy. She’s a clever girl – she’d have understood everything. Yes, it would have been painful. But isn’t she hurt now?
As for Chrissy – she isn’t a monster. But she IS a problem. She hasn’t grown up yet. She’s like Godzilla, who’s playing with people like they were her toys. She isn’t evil but she isn’t able to understand that her selfishness makes other people – even her daughter – unhappy. She isn’t able to love anyone except herself. But despite everything, I feel sorry for her. I hope one day she will be able to think not only about herself.
I worry about Blue. Yes, one day she will learn that her father really loves her and cares for her, but the world is so dangerous! I hope that won’t be too late and she won’t get into some troubles.
Thank you for the awesome story!
Thank you so much, chealsycat. 🙂 I think you’re completely right that Leo waited too long to tell Blue. Really, he didn’t even mention her mother very much, so this is kind of bad that Chrissy introduced herself this way. I think Blue would have understood, too, and that it would have been less painful for her.
I also agree with you that Chrissy isn’t evil or a monster. I think whatever she was hooked on kind of left her mentally in her teen years or something; she hasn’t matured very much at all. Maybe something will happen for her that will make her understand that she is not Godzilla and that people are not her playthings. 🙂
I worry about Blue, too, and I can totally understand why you feel that way. Hopefully, she will realize she can still trust her dad and she will avoid serious calamity. I have a feeling her story is going to be very interesting!
Thank you again.
Ok, bad Chrissy! Lying to Blue is hardly A+ behavior. Maybe she said he forced her to go to rehab? I really hope she doesn’t mess up any relationships for the Capras.
Thank you, Violincat. 🙂 I think you have some good ideas there about Chrissy. You just might be on the right track. I hope she doesn’t mess up anything for the Capras, too. 🙂
Chrissy… I knew she was gonna mess things up! She better not ruin the wedding or I will get soooo mad! Right now I feel like all Chrissy wants is money from Leo, although I might be wrong. And I am super curious to hear what Chrissy told Blue, and what that note was about!
Awesome chapter 😃
Thank you, Lila. 🙂 Yeah, you called it about Chrissy, too! 😀 I wouldn’t blame you for throwing a punch or two if the wedding gets messed up. lolol Hopefully, it all goes off without a hitch. 🙂 There is so much that will be happening with Blue, and your questions will all be answered, too. I can’t wait! 🙂
Chrissy….. She never makes it easy for Leo and I feel like she’s never going to leave them be. And poor Blue 🙁 Things must be confusing for her, not knowing who to believe. I wonder who put that note in her locker… I bet it will lead to an exciting story!
Thank you, Raymond. 🙂 I sure hope it leads to a story you find exciting! lol I do have some plots up my sleeve at the moment. haha Anyway, you’re so right that Chrissy just keeps turning up, giving Leo a hard time; and now Blue also. I think, as you said, that she is terribly confused. Hopefully, she won’t do anything rash.
Darn! I sure would like to know what Chrissy said to Blue to make her so upset and resentful. I bet she fed her a whole line about being her mother, and Leo keeping her from seeing Blue. Chrissy obviously has deeper problems than drugs or alcohol, she needs some mental help, as well. I do understand Blue’s resentment, as seen from a kid’s point of view, but she doesn’t understand all the things her dad went through and what he has done to try to give her a ‘normal’ life. That note is a strange one…anxious to see where that leads!! I hope Blue doesn’t just run away…
Thank you, Marj 🙂 You’ll find out pretty soon, I think, what Chrissy said to Blue; and you just might be on the right track. As for Blue, that’s the whole thing; she’s still a kid and is looking at things from a self-centered point of view. You’re right that she has no idea how hard things were for Leo and what he went through. That is a very strange note, isn’t it? Blue seems a little bit like a loose cannon right now. 🙂
OH MY!! Just when they all seemed to settle into happiness .. Crissy just wants money .. she will never stop coming around until he stops giving it to her.
Thank you, Lisa. 🙂 I think there will still be happiness, it’s just kind of tricky again. lol I do think you’re right about Chrissy never stopping until Leo quits giving her money. That seems to be her main priority right now.
Ah, a new mystery ! And it’s interesting to get to see some of Blue’s demons .
Thank you, Cathy. 🙂 I’m so glad you liked reading about Blue. 🙂
Chrissy is actually kind of selfish, considering she is mainly concerned about herself! She should have asked Leo before arriving suddenly at his house, and now she’s caused some problems! Chrissy also seems to think they all are a family, even though she left Blue to Leo, and hasn’t been there for her at all!
Blue is holding a lot of feelings in! I think she should be weary of that place, you never know what could happen!
Great chapter, as always! 🙂
Thank you, shannynlee! 🙂 I think you are 100% right that Chrissy is selfish. She hasn’t considered a lot of things except what directly has an effect on her. She kind of reminds me of a tornado because it makes a mess and you can’t control it. lol As for Blue, yes, she is definitely holding a lot in which is not good. Instead of working through her feelings, she is hanging onto them tightly. I’d be weary of the place in the note, too. 🙂
I want to cheer Bravo Leo and I am, but I just know Chrissy isn’t going to leave it at that.
You know, it wasn’t a normal life, but I think Blue had it pretty darn good! I mean what is normal anyway. Her father, even thru all his messed up emotions took Blue and turned out to be a great father! He gave up the career he wanted for her. It’s a little shocking that she is as angry as she is and the fact that she would believe Chrissy at all shows just how self centered and immature she is. Well I hate to say it, the apple sometimes really doesn’t fall far from the tree. Can’t fight genetics baby!
Thank you, Bee. 🙂 Chrissy probably won’t leave it at that, how true. It’s a good thing Leo figures he’ll need to talk to her again. Maybe that way, he can have more control instead of Chrissy just popping in unannounced. I think Blue had it pretty good, too, actually. Although, I do understand there might be things she resents here and there. You really make good points in Leo’s defense. He really was an emotional mess for a long time but he still took care of Blue and provided for her. I love your “can’t fight genetics baby” comment! haha 😀
Oh dear. Chrissy really thought Leo felt something special about her. She seems so out of life, like she’s and will always be the only woman for Leo. Blue isn’t that cute girl she used to be, I wonder how many things her “daddy” has no idea about when it comes to her. And so we have. Even Ruby doesn’t know exactly what’s in her head. That note seems like a lot of trouble…
Thank you, Jowita 🙂 I think you are definitely right that Chrissy is just not very reality based. lol That’s an interesting take you have on Blue. 😀 Over time, I think we’ll see just how much she keeps from “dear old dad.” LOL I also agree about the note. Very mysterious!
I knew Chrissy would mess things up for Blue, Leo and Leela.
Poor Blue holding in all that anger and resentment for so long. I do not blame her for not know who ti trust. Her Dad with held info about Jilly causing some trust issues. Her Mom an addict and most likely not clearly recalling events so feeding misinformation to Blue. The poor girl doesn’t know who to turn to. I so hope she can sit down with both Leo and Chrissy at the same time and all of them have a good heart to heart. Get everything out in the open. That is going to be the only way to start healing the wounds that run so very deep.
Excellent chapter RO. <3
Thank you, Lil. 🙂 Yes, you called it about Chrissy. I think you make some really good points about why Blue doesn’t make the obvious choice to believe Leo over Chrissy. He did wait a very long time to even tell her he had a twin, let alone what happened to her. And that’s another good point you bring up. Is Chrissy purposely trying to sabotage Leo and Blue’s relationship? You just might be right that she is just simply not a good historian seeing as how she was not clear-minded; her recall is hampered. We’ll have to see. 😀 It might be good for them all to sit down and have it out. Hopefully, they’ll reach a good solution. <3