Part 1: The Orphan (An Excerpt from Bea’s Diary)
Dear Diary, today I come before you, my soul bared, my heart forever broken. This is the day I lost my mother.
I am a grown woman, but an orphan.
When I look back on the events of the day, I can so clearly see there were signs of imminent death. Yet, at the time, I didn’t realize.
She looked uncomfortable. When I asked her if she was all right, she said she thought she was having gas pain*, and that she would be all right.
The death certificate said “myocardial infarction,” so, I asked Dr. Fellowes what that meant. How did we not realize she was having a heart attack?
The worst part was telling Kara because she was so close to Mom. I called Dr. Fellowes, asking her how I should approach the subject. She told me to be honest, and to make sure Kara knew she could ask me anything.
“She’s dead?” Kara asked, her voice soft, her lower lip shaking ever so slightly.
Since she’d gotten older, she had her hair cut. Looking at her always reminded me of Aunt Rosetta. Of course, there is no way Kara could know what her great-aunt looked like or that they sported the same style.
Right?
Sometimes, I had a strong feeling Kara knew more than she let on. I don’t know how to explain it, but I find it unnerving.
“Momma? Are you all right?”
I cleared my throat as I jumped back to reality. “Yes, honey. I only wish there were things I could have said to her before she died.”
Kara averted her eyes, and I wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she said, “Yes, me, too.”
Pulling her into my arms, we were both crying now.
“She loved you so much,” I told my daughter, rubbing her back, and kissing her cheek.
“I loved her, too,” she whispered, her words stammering forward between sobbing hiccups.
“Shh,” I soothed, “we’ll get through this.”
But, it would be hard.
Part 2: Gardens are Like Friendship (An Excerpt from Kara’s Diary)
Dear Diary, Bram and I have worked on this garden non-stop. I was in the habit of coming over every day after school so we could work on it together. Bram may be blind, but he catches on fast. He uses his other senses to navigate life which got me thinking about my own future. What would I do after graduation?
Mom and Perry talked to me a little bit about this, and I know I’m on the shy side, but there are time I wonder if they realize I’m more capable of things than they know. I get the impression they would like me to stay home forever because I might get hurt out in the world.
The truth is, I love living with my family. However, I’ve decided maybe I can give back a little of what I was given once I was found. There are a lot of troubled teens and Dr. Fellowes agreed I could work at the youth center after I graduate from university. My grades aren’t what you would call stellar, but I did manage to catch up to my peers, so, that is something.
“What’s got you upset?” Bram asked as he pulled some weeds from the pumpkin patch.
“How d’you know?”
“Seriously? Your voice sounds like you’ve been crying, and when I asked you if you wanted to stay for supper, you said, “That’s nice.”“
Tears welled up in my eyes, then slid down my cheeks, dripping off my chin. “My grandma died today.”
He stopped working for a moment, sitting back on his haunches, and letting out a sigh. “Kara, I’m so sorry. Shouldn’t you be at home with your family?”
“No, trust me, I need to focus on something besides what’s going on at home. Mom and Perry are at the funeral home picking out caskets, and Andrew and Joey are fighting with each other again.”
“Over what’s-her-name?”
“What else? They’re so dumb, and Sibley’s enjoying every minute. How can they be so stupid about a girl?”
“Well,” he said, digging back into the weeds, “not all guys would fall for something like that.”
“Agreed,” I said. “I think maybe they’re enjoying this competition they have going on because I can’t understand any other explanation for their behavior.”
I heard him laugh under his breath, then he threw a clump of dirt my way. “Did I hit you?”
This made me laugh, too. “You’re lucky it didn’t! You missed me by a mile.” Somehow, I figured if he’d wanted to hit me with a mud pie, he probably could.
“Can I ask you something without you being offended?”
“Uh-oh, I mean, I guess.”
“Well, I just wondered why blind people wear sunglasses?”
“You’re too funny.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because that’s not an offensive question. I wish more people understood what it’s like to be visually impaired. As for your question, it probably depends on the person. Most people who are legally blind, aren’t completely sightless.”
“Can you see anything?”
“Absolutely. I can see light, and that’s why I wear my sunglasses. When the light hits my eyes, it’s like lightening has entered through them, straight to my brain. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Do you want me to tell you about my cataracts?”
I smiled for the first time that day and continued weeding. “Only if you want to. I’m curious, but I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
He was quiet for a little while, so I was sure he would not tell me anything more.
“Cataracts are easily repaired, I’m told. But, in my case, there is no point because even if they were repaired, I wouldn’t be able to see anyway. Why put myself through something that has no benefit except making me more presentable to my father? Thank you, but I’ll pass.”
“I think that makes perfect sense. I didn’t know your eyes bothered your dad.”
The laugh that escaped his mouth was bitter which surprised me because he’d shown nothing except confidence, and acceptance.
“I’m glad you think so,” he said, his voice back to normal now. “I say take me as I am, or not at all. It’s one of the few cliches that works for me.”
I stopped working and put my hand on his back, then, said, “I like you just how you are. And, I was thinking about our garden and how it’s a lot like our friendship.”
“Oh, yeah?”
He couldn’t see it, but I nodded. I forget these things sometimes because he acts like a sighted person so much.
“Yeah. A garden needs a seed for a plant to grow. I was thinking how the seed is the foundation of a healthy plant. Then, it has to be tended to while it’s growing or it will die. We have to weed the bad things out, water the good things, and devote our effort into it.”
He reached for his water bottle with what seemed like ease. “Ah, yeah, I get what you’re saying because friendship requires all that, too.”
“Yes! Exactly!”
Tears threatened to fall again as I understood just then what Bram meant to me. He was the only person I’d ever told my story to. Well, I told Joey some, but I went into detail with Bram.
What if it all changed when I went to uni? What if, when I came home afterwards, he’d moved on and didn’t need me anymore?
Bram was the only person on the planet I considered my friend. Our friendship was a source of strength and kept me calm.
Yet… would our garden last? Would it survive one of us not tending to it?
The thought frightened me.
Part 3: Goodbye Ellie Duberry Sprague (An excerpt from Kara’s Diary)
I’d never been to an official viewing or funeral before. In fact, I never understood such a thing existed until after my dad died. I didn’t see him shoot himself because he told me to cover my eyes. After I obeyed him, he grabbed his gun and went outside. Then, a single shot rang in the air. At first, I thought the police shot him. I was told later he committed suicide.
It seems like suicide runs in our family on Dad’s side. First, his fiancee, then him. As mean as he was, I miss him like crazy. I don’t miss the shack, but some days I long for the freedom I had to explore the pond, and woods where we lived.
Yes, his was the first time I ever heard of a funeral. Even though I was told about it, I wasn’t allowed to go. I had the impression being denied this opportunity should make me angry because everyone who spoke to me told me how sorry they were I couldn’t go, and that they were available to talk about it if I needed to vent.
Looking back on that time in my life, I now know how lucky I was to be found. Sometimes, I feel guilty for missing him.
People say the strangest things at viewings.
“She looks wonderful.” No, to me, she looks dead. That isn’t my grandma anymore.
“She looks like she’s sleeping.” Again. No. Dead.
“She had a full life, with a family who loved her.” Except this family member betrayed her. Now I feel like having a complete meltdown.
I stole the box, and grandma took the blame even though she didn’t do it. Mom and grandma didn’t seem the same toward each other after that, still, I couldn’t bring myself to admit what I’d done.
The boys were obviously uncomfortable. They loved grandma, I’m sure, but I don’t think they were as close to her as they could have been. They grew up seeing Grandma say things to Mom that often hurt her, and they resented that.
Mom was a wreck, of course. She couldn’t eat and cried all the time.
Perry told me it was part of grieving, that she would feel better soon. But with the way she was, I had my doubts.
I stood near the casket Grandma was lying in. Mom told me I should tell Grandma goodbye. When it was my turn to go up, the way she looked surprised me.
Her makeup was thick and cakey, and she wouldn’t have been caught dead with that lipstick. Did they even know her at all?
Teagan and her mom Karen said their goodbyes to my grandma, then hugged my mom tight.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Karen told Mom. “She was a good woman.”
Mom nodded, then dabbed at her tears with a tissue. “Thank you for coming,” she said.
This entire viewing thing was for the birds, I decided. I would say bye to Grandma in my own way, and not here.
After the lid was closed, her coffin was put on top of this metal stretcher thingy so they could transport her to the cemetery. From behind me, I heard the door open. To my amazement, Bram and (Jeeves?) walked in.
I nearly jumped out of my seat, hurrying to get to them.
“Bram!”
He smiled. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“You’re here! That’s awesome!”
All at once, I realized I was smiling. Wasn’t i supposed to be sad? I mean, I was heartbroken by the loss, so smiling seemed inappropriate.
“How are you?”
I glanced at the casket again before answering. “I can’t believe this is what her life has been reduced to.”
“I think maybe you’re still trying to get over the shock,” he suggested.
“I can’t believe I’ll never see her again.” Then I was sobbing all over again.
“Come here,” he said, his voice full of warmth and caring.
He didn’t have to ask me twice.
Part 4: Loathsome Creature (An Excerpt from Bea’s Diary)
As soon as the funeral was over, I made a beeline for my bed. Perry spent some time with the kids, making dinner, and then cleaning up. After a while, he joined me on the bed.
“Do you feel like you can eat something?”
“No.” Every time I blinked, tears squeezed out, and my nose ran. This surprised me because I thought I’d already cried everything out. “Are the kids all right?”
“Yes, I they are. They’re grieving, but I haven’t noticed anything unusual.”
“Kara was so close to her.”
“So were you.”
I cried again for a few minutes. Perry put his hand on my shoulder.
“I accused mom of stealing that box. It was stupid of me not to believe her. I took it out on her that I couldn’t find it, and when I rejected what she was saying about it, we were never the same after that.”
“Bea, this is your exhaustion and shock talking. None of that is true… I mean, you still had a good relationship with her. It was better than it had been in years.” He paused, then, said, “Hey remember that time we were playing Balderdash as a family, and the word we had to write a definition for was toadflax?”
I was half sobbing, half laughing. “Yes! Her definition was that it was the dirt between a toad’s toes. I never laughed so hard in all my life.”
Perry laughed, too. “Same here.” He leaned over, kissing my cheek. “Let’s concentrate on those memories, okay?”
Sitting up, I fell into his arms, my head on his shoulder. “Yes, honoring her memory in a positive thing is all we can do now.”
Notes:
Thank you Bee (Stories by Bee, Poses by Bee) for loaning me Ellie Duberry. I love her so, and really appreciate you allowing me to abuse use her.
*Signs of heart attack are often more subtle in women than in men. If you would like to read more about this, click this link for a good article at the American Heart Association: Heart Attack Symptoms in Women.
Thank you so much for reading, liking, lurking, and commenting!
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Goodbye Ellie. ☹
Interesting that Kara’s haircut reminds Bea of Rosetta. It’s a little foreboding…
I like that Kara and Bram can ask each other questions like that. It’s really cute.
Thank you, Heather. 🙂
I think you might be right about the foreboding. Can’t wait for you to see how it goes.
I like that, too, about Kara and Bram.
Oh, I feel so bad for the family. Losing someone you love is so hard.
I don’t feel surprised that Kara misses Jem. I mean, he was all she knew for so long, she’s bound to have many mixed feelings abou thim.
I can’t believe the boys are still arguing over that silly girl! Ugh. WHat idiots.
Thank you 🙂 Losing someone is so hard, you’re right.
I’m glad you think it’s natural for Kara to miss Jem. The feelings are mixed, that’s for sure.
Idiots is right! 100%!
I can’t believe I’ll never see her again.
this is exactly what I thought when I loose my grandma too !
Awwww…. that’s so sad. I’m sorry for your loss. I felt the same way when I lost my grandparents, too.
I’m sorry I’m so late catching up on blogs, been falling behind again (what’s new?!) 😂
RIP to grandma, I can imagine that being harder for Bea given it hadn’t been smooth sailing between them. I wonder where this will leave the legacy & any unanswered questions.. will her things be passed to Bea? I love Bram’s attitude, the whole ‘take me as I am’ cliche, he’s a tough cookie & I think that could be really good for Kara. And he seems to ‘get’ her, like knowing when she’s upset, how to prompt her to talk. Nice inclusion on the blindness/sunglasses issue by the way! xx
Thank you, Caz 🙂 And, better late than never. 😀 I think you’re right that this is the hardest on Bea. She wishes now she hadn’t made such a huge deal about the box disappearing. That’s a good question about the legacy. Her things will pass to Bea for now. Kara has the diaries and the ring, so she’s good to go.
I’m glad you like how I’m handling Bram. I think Kara would have a natural curiosity about things without the hangups of wondering too hard if she should ask or not. And, I agree that he seems to get her. xo
Oh she’s grown! I like that her friend is blind. I’m blind, and no, I don’t use sunglasses, even though I can see the light, depending how it hits me. And sorry Cara’s grandmother died – it’s another sad one.
Thank you, Jina. 🙂 I’m glad you like how Bram is blind. I like how you described being blind and sunglasses.
I think Kara is doing better about Ellie’s death than Bea is. Kara is about to take over the story for good, and I’m looking forward to her generation being a little more light hearted. 🙂
Oh, losing Ellie hits hard. We’ve had her with us for a long time. Hopefully with the support of friends and especially family, Kara and Bea will get through this tough time.
Thank you, Raymond 🙂 That’s true, Ellie was around for a long time. I think Kara is doing better than Bea right now with it. lol But, luckily, the family is strong, and supportive.
This hit way too close to home. I needed several attempts to read through it and I am a very fast reader. It’s a beautiful story with a beautiful message though.
I’m so sorry. :'( Thank you for the kind words, and I hope things look up for you soon. <3
Ellie will be missed. I hope one day Kara can talk to Bea about taking the box and about other things.
I like Bram. His father sounds like a mess, but this guy has his head on right. And even though he’s young, he seems wise beyond his years.
Thank you 🙂 I hope one day Kara can talk to Bea, too, about the box and things. She’ll feel so much better if she does.
I’m glad you like Bram. Oh, boy, his father… well, more on that in the future, I reckon. But, you’re right. Bram is a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. I can’t wait to see where their friendship leads.
My Ellie is DEAD! Wah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I have no words!
Thank you, Bee. I’m so sorry about Ellie. I loved her so.
Oh! And, thank you for letting me use her. 🙂
Aaw, RIP Ellie. It makes me think of way back in the day when she and Holden met. <3 They were so sweet. It's really tough for poor Bea, but thank fully she has Holden.
Viewings are very odd to me as a European because it's not something we do at all. Kara's perspective on her death is so sincere and innocent in a way. She sees things in a very fresh and unique way because she hasn't grown up with all of these things and just seen them as a given. And I'm rambling a bit – don't mind me. 🙂
As everyone else I loooove Kara's friendship with Bram. <3 But here's another thing I love, your attention to detail and love of research! Some time ago I considered doing a blind character for another project and researched blindness, so I can tell that you did, too, and I really appreciate it. Love that level of detail and the realism. 🙂
This was awesome, as always. <3
Thank you, Louise 🙂 I know, I remember those early days with Ellie and Holden. She was soooo sweet, and such a dreamer.
You don’t do viewings? Here, we have them, but only if the family chooses. Sometimes, they are closed casket, or like with my father-in-law, he didn’t want a viewing at all, so we didn’t have one. I’m rambling, too. lol I like what you said about Kara’s view on death. She is sincere and innocent. 🙂 I’m so glad you see that.
YAY to Kara and Bram’s friendship! I think they are both benefiting a great deal from their relationship.
Oh, thank you for mentioning the research! You noticed! lolol I like putting tidbits in there, and I figured Kara would be honestly inquisitive since she feels she can talk to him. Thank you again.
Kara has become one of my favorite fictional characters. I love how honest she is with herself. She’s got a true compass. And what a gift to have one true friend with whom she can share her thoughts…
Thank you, CT. 🙂 You just made my day. I’m so glad Kara is becoming a favorite fictional character. She has a unique story, so a unique approach. I think because she didn’t grow up the traditional way, she isn’t encumbered with some things others her age might be. On the other hand, she has experiences under her belt other people may never have in their lifetime. Her friendship with Bram truly is a gift.
Oh no… I didn’t expect that 💔 That first picture was heartbreaking..! RIP Ellie 😢
I wonder if Bea will get through this… I mean, she should. She has a wonderful husband and family, but I wonder if the last state of their relationship will forever haunt her…
I love Kara’s relationship with Bram! And I love him too <3 <3 I really hope those two will stay as close as they are now!
Thank you so much 🙂 I was heartbroken that Ellie died and Bea and she were sort of at odds again.
I do think Bea will be okay even with the unresolved issues she feels. I think she still always suspected Ellie took the mystery box. But, you’re right, she has a wonderful family, and Perry seems to always know what to say.
I’m so glad you love Kara and Bram’s relationship. I’m loving writing them right now. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, and just let it become what it is. I hope they stay close, too.
Oh my dear, this couldn’t come at a more fitting time. Unfortunately, my grandfather died today at night.
The viewings definitely are terrible. My other grandfather died two years ago, and there was no fake teeth put in his mouth for the viewing. He looked horrible. Also, I don’t really understand the point of saying goodybe to the corpse. It seems morbid when all the people try to tell something to the body, touch it, shake the hand and all that.
As usual, I will repeat that I love Kara and Bram’s relationship, and I hope it doesn’t come to an end when Kara leaves for university. Their friendship is so pure and sincere, and I think they truly do have a deep connection.
Thank you, Jowita. 🙂 I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t believe the timing of this chapter. Sending you lots of hugs.
Viewings are kind of weird if you think about it, but we have them, and it seems to help some people say goodbye. I get what you’re saying about saying goodbye to a corpse; weird when you think more on it. Wow, I’m so redundant. Sorry about that. All I had to do was say I agree with you. lol
I’m so glad you love Bram and Kara’s relationship. It seems so innocent to me. We’ll see in 7.1 where their friendship stands. I’m so excited! I think they have a deep connection, too.
Again. No. Dead.
lol
So, I’m glad Kara has realized what a friendship with Bram means to her and what it takes to maintain a friendship. But, I hope someone will give her great advice because not going to college just to be close to someone is not the best idea. I imagine working at the youth center in the capacity she wants will require some training. Also, being out in the world will be good for her. She can make new friends. It’s ok to have more than one LOL.
Goodbye, Ellie. You weren’t always my favorite person, but you were not a bad person.
I love Balderdash! That is the Brown family game. 🙂
Thank you, Jess. 😀 Balderdash is a family game with us, too. hahaha
I like that you brought that up about Kara going to university. She definitely shouldn’t avoid college because of Bram. And, I think Bram might not even take that well, if he knew she did that. I think getting a degree, and working with teen center would be a worthy thing for her to pursue. And, yes, Kara, you might make other friends, who knows? lol
RIP, Ellie.
ooooh, Kara’s going to have a “come to Jesus” atonement in the future. That box came up twice already. I’m so glad she has a friend in Bram. I wonder when she’s going to share that dark secret with him? Will she confess to her mom. If it caused that much rift between Bea and Ellie, what’s her hiding it going to do between them? Yikes!!!
Thank you so much, Jo 🙂 I’m laughing and I think you’re right about Kara. She’s fretting more about what she did with the box than she realizes, and it might come to bite her in the butt later. lol
Ohhh. So many feels. I agree with Kara on ‘viewings’. They are terrible. Say it before they die, not after!
Bram! ❤️❤️❤️. I adore their relationship. I also wonder what will become of it once she graduates and goes to Uni. And what of those other ‘abilities’. Hmmmm…. and how is she going to say goodbye in her own way? I’m sooo curious.
And Perry, always says the right thing to make Bea feel better. ❤️. And those boys are still fighting over Sibley? I figured she would be history by now. Dang.
Great job on the funeral though! Lol.
Thank you, Audrey 🙂 Yes! Good point, say it before they die!
I’m so glad you adore Kara and Bram’s relationship. I can’t wait to see where that heads. Good questions about what will happen if she goes to uni, and also about her “abilities.” Hehe I have big plans. Let’s hope I can bring it all to fruition.
Perry is the gem in Bea’s life, let me tell you. ❤️
Those boys are being so dumb. You should see them in game. LOL Perhaps it’s more a competition out of control rather than really wanting Sibley.
No doubt a competition between the boys! That’s so funny.
Boys! LOL